Get out your sacrificial goats and get ready to praise him! Here is the Starbucks cup all Christians are looking for. It's the "Hail Satan" edition of Starbucks' famed holiday cups.
Don't worry, your peppermint late will taste just as sweet and reverent as before, but now, just in time to hail your favorite underlord, Satan, we've added a brand new blend to the Starbucks family!
In addition to all of your festive favorites, Starbucks will be rolling out the "Praise Him!" blend, perfect for the Satanic worshipper next door.
The recipe is supposed to be top secret, but I have obtained the rights from a barista I know.
The Praise Him! blend will include:
-One drop of blood from a sacrificial lamb
-Two drops of blood from a sacrificial goat
-The tears of three small children (under one ounce of tears please, don't want to saturate the blend.)
-One eye of newt
-Three pages of the satanic verses of...Satan
-And of course, a dash of Pumpkin Spice, because that's Satan's favorite!
If you want to make this at home, I highly suggest you leave out the Pumpkin Spice, that ish can get pretty volatile if you put in too much. You don't want Satan rising early do you?
The Praise Him premium blend is available at all Starbucks locations...except the ones in Cleveland because like...it's the actual pit of hell. There's too much Satanic activity there already.
Thank you, Goodbye.