AlloBaber
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Does he want to date me or not?
This is an excerpt from my personal journal. I was just feeling so confused... I hope I made the right call. See what you guys think.
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November 13, 2015
He doesn't want to date right now. Because of the distance. He didn't say that, but it's pretty obvious through these texts... so I had better get used to the idea before our visit.
Jenny looked over the texts, and she doesn't agree. She says he's just being a guy. I don't know. This is what he said – that he has no expectations for how our visit will go, and that he's trying not to put any pressure on himself, or on me. No pressure... pressure about what? My first thought was pressure to date me. But now that I think about it, it could be a different kind of pressure – pressure for things to go perfectly. To go well. For us to feel the way we did.
I know how I feel about him, of course. The unknown variable is how he'll feel. Jenny said if the time we spend together is good, then of course we'll end up dating eventually. I guess I just need to be okay with "eventually."
In theory, I can be okay with that. If life doesn't get in the way. If we don't let it. Because the ultimate goal is to end up together. I can put that off for a bit.
He's already said he's thought about us getting married. How much more of a foot in the door do I want? I just keep being afraid, despite all the signs, because he doesn't express his emotions the same way other people do. That's my theory, anyway. He's not controlled by them the way others are. He's much more logical. So it's hard for me to know what he's really feeling, beyond what he chooses to let me see.
Reading the texts again, I feel reassured. I understand a bit better now, I think, what he was trying to express. And he's nervous, too! How did I fail to consider that little gem? I mean, he's him – what could he possibly have to be nervous about? At first, I was afraid that he was worried about, I don't know, us wanting different things, or having to let me down easy or something.
But he doesn't want to see me just to be friends, or just for the physical intimacy. He's him. If he wanted a casual hookup, he could get it easily – a whole lot of 'em, actually, with minimal effort. But that's just not him. And as for the "just friends" theory, you don't tell someone that you're "just friends" with that you're not going to date anyone else for the next two months, because you really want to be single when you see them.
He doesn't want mere friendship, and he doesn't just want to hook up. He wants us to date. He wants to be together.
We talk so consistently, with both parties reaching out. He talks about wanting to meet my family, and visit my parents' house. He flirts with me. He writes me handwritten letters. He plans things for us to do together in the future, like go skiing with his family, or write essays together. He loves my mom and little sisters already, though he's only met them over Skype. He's so proud of my performance at my job. And the things he's written about me... there are so many signs, really.
I need to remember that, and believe in them.
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8 comments
We all have a tendency to torture ourselves over love...we analyze, analyze and over analyze.
2 years ago·Reply
I agree with a lot of what @alywoah said... I mean, that's a lot of dedication to somebody that's a decent amount of miles away. And I don't know this guy, so I can't really intercept his thoughts and logic to what you're saying to him or why he's acting a certain way and why he's saying what he is to you. From what I have gathered from our conversations, I don't get the feeling that you want to settle down just yet. But then again, we have talked about meeting somebody special who stops your polygamous endeavors in their tracks. But as far as saying that he wants to get married, it's quite irrational and seems to be playing on a desire people have to WANT to be married, to find that whirlwind love where everything is perfect. But you've never lived together. It doesn't sound like you have spent time physically together. It's so easy to charm somebody when you aren't with them. You can portray yourself as a nearly perfect person. Without physically spending time with a person, both dating for a few months and/or living together for (hopefully) a few years, you won't know if you can stand being around them for that long. You don't know if they're truly consistent with the way that they portray themselves elsewhere. You won't know if you'd want to be together after you start finding things out about one another. I swear I'm not saying it to be an ass, because your happiness and well-being are important to me, but the marriage and deeper plans, are kind of more set in infatuation and empty promises, than anything else. It's very difficult to say much, simply because I don't know him. And I hope this makes sense haha I kind of just started typing and may have lost my train of thought somewhere along the way.
2 years ago·Reply
Aww so sad!!!!!😢😢😰💔💔💔💔💔💔 Sounds so heartbreakingly so damm depressing!!!!!😰😰😰💔💔💔
2 years ago·Reply
Argh, that sounds like a frustrating place to be in. He sounds like someone I used to date -- saying all the things he wanted from us, but never really following through. I had enough, and I had to just move on. I am not saying that's something that would happen to you, though. Communication is key, if you're really confused, when you visit him, I'd just straight up ask him what exactly does he want. And even if you don't get the answer your want, the mystery cloud will be moved away. It sounds like he really likes you, wants to be with you, and thinks well of you -- but maybe the timing and is distance is wrong.
2 years ago·Reply
Oh! and @ObscurePoet hahaha I think you're right on the money... I think he's trying not to show his hand all the way. He's a very logical person, and, like me, not overly fond of being emotionally vulnerable in risky situations... >.<
2 years ago·Reply
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