tannyo
2 years ago500+ Views
Please read....
Hello everyone! You don't really need to read this but I would like to say it just to say it. Here we go Hello! I am Netanya, I'm 15 years old and I'm scared of myself. No I do not inflict self harm, because I don't believe in self harm it doesn't solve anything. I've gone into a depression recently and all of my hope and dreams are no longer living to me I feel like nothing. I slap a fake smile on every morning. And I cry myself to sleep some nights because Ik that if I don't I won't sleep at all. I try to keep myself occupied by watching k-dramas, listening to K-Pop, typing on Wattpad, learning Chinese and teaching myself Korean. Although I truly love Korea. I feel empty. Living in America I feel empty. My biggest dream is to become a k-pop idol. Which is ridiculous. However when people ask me why I can't answer. They say I only want to go to Korea and become an idol because I'm obsessed with kpop boys. But it's not true. I don't fantasize about marrying them or being with them. I look up to them and I respect them and all they have to go through to get where they are. My biggest role models are Suga, rap monster, G-Dragon, Amber, and my Mother. I'm in pain so much right now because I think I have finally given up. I lie to my self everyday because I'm afraid of myself. And I hate myself so much for it. I just want to be the best I can be. And do what I really enjoy doing. But I'm afraid. God I hate myself so much right now. I mean I set my mind to being something. But then I tell in my head all I hear is "your a failure" " you'll never make it." "Another dream down the drain." "Your dreams are like your patents marriage. Not existence!" And I can't stop it I've tried so hard. But I'm done. I want to let go and restart. I have felt so much pain. All I want l to do is sing and rap and dance! People say do it here. But I can't stand being here. I've forgotten who I truly am and I need someone who will understand. I have never told this to anyone. Not even my family. But I'm done. I'm ready to throw in the towel I give up. I almost do. Every time I think about throwing myself on my bed and laying there for the rest of my life I think of Suga, and Rap monster and GD and my Mom and I say how disappointing would it be I they just locked themselves away for rest of the lives. So am I doing it! Why am I locking myself away! Why have I given up! Why can I let myself be free!!! I'm a stressed? Do I need counseling? I have no clue anymore. All I know is I'm in pain and really need help. I'd ask my friends but they don't understand. I numb the pain by being stupid, but it doesn't really help. I try to tell my family, but they either don't understand or don't really care all that much, even if they say they do I know that they don't. I have felt this ways since I was 8 years old. The same year my parents got devoiced. I'm trying but I can't do it alone I really need help. I am begging all of you to help in anyway you can please. I don't know what do do anymore. Please. Someone help me because I'm not ready to give up. Even though I'm staring it in the face I'm not ready. It's not time... Please.... - Netanya aka Tannyo
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hey dont feel like this ! ik you might think "oh shes one of those people who pretend like they understand and care" , but i do care i really do . even though i dont know you, i can understand what you are feeling , i know how horrible it is crying whenever you are alone and faking smiles everyday . but please dont feel this way, i want to go to korea bc i dont like living in america as well, but you should just wait , there will be a time where you will be able to pursue your dreams and be a kpop star, and trust me i will be standing right there in your concert cheering up for you. there is a right time for everything to happen , instead of hating yourself try loving yourself bc this is the only way you can reach your goal. how can you expect others to believe in you if YOU yourself dont ? all of us vinglers are here for you and we all support you! the more you love yourself the closer you will be to become a kpop star. we all love you, FIGHTING !!! ❤️
2 years ago·Reply
What everyone said before me is perfect. There is ALWAYS a way. Even if you don't acheive your dream exactly like you thought you wanted to, you can come close and find happiness in another form. I felt similar when I was 15, but now I'm livin' the dream and loving what I do every day. Giving up isn't an option! Don't even think about it!
2 years ago·Reply
You have such a long road ahead of you. if you keep pushing your goals you will get there! the hardest part is going through the ups and Downs but in the end it'll be worth it. I'd say yes it is probably best to start off here and work your way into where you really want to go. get your practice here learn what you need to to become better and find the way to get to where you really want to go. you are 15 and have a goal set in mind, in college some are still clueless. just keep working on pushing your dream. with willpower you can do anything.
2 years ago·Reply
Cling to your dreams. Dreams keep hope alive. Hope is the fuel of life. Hope enables you to live....not just survive. I know it's difficult to deal with these feelings alone.....but we're all here for you ♥ You're winning the battle by reaching out and asking for help. Keep fighting, my dear.
2 years ago·Reply
Hey I just want to say that I believe in you. You can do it! I know I probably won't be much effect and you might think that I won't understand at all but I do care. Even if I don't know you. My parents may never have gotten divorced but there were times where I cried myself to sleep. I had put on a fake smile often whenever I am down and there were always those times where I sat down questioning my dreams and wanting to give up. We all have to remember that we still have a long ways to go. We are still just at the beginning. We have a whole future ahead of us and there will be others that will support you along the way. I am here for you. This community is here for you. We all are going to support you as you make your way towards your dream. When you want to do something, there will always be that voice in your head that tells you that you can't do it and lead you to back away from progressing but prove to it that you can. Prove to yourself that you will reach that dream because we know you can do it! Keep trying. Failing may feel horrible but there is never success without failure. Don't give up just yet. We all believe in you!😊
2 years ago·Reply
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