Kids are dirty. I was trying to think of a better introduction for this card, but then I figured I might as well start it with some cold, hard, and true facts.
Back when I was in high school and my guidance counselor suggested I become a teacher someday, I said "NO, no, no, NO!" about a dozen times in a row because I can't think of any place 'germier' than an elementary school classroom.
(And yes, I've already considered wherever they're currently keeping the world's last sample of SARS. Classrooms still win.)
Needless to say, it's not all that surprising to me that someone has invented something like the 'Sneeve' - basically a slip-on sleeve so when a little kid has to sneeze, they have a place to put their cooties.
Case in point: Maybe if Kendall Jenner had a Sneeve, she wouldn't be blowing snot all over her iPhone 6 right now.
The fabric of the Sneeve is treated with the anti-microbial components of citric acid and silver, making it the perfect place for a kid to sneeze, snort, and sniffle when they're at their germiest. It also keeps doorknobs, toys, and other kids' hands free from possible illness transfer.
The inventor, Stan Bratskeir, a 71-year-old grandfather from Long Island, New York, says that his product will eliminate up to 99.9% of viruses and bacteria. He also is really stoked on how clever its name is, saying he was inspired to combine 'sleeve' and 'sneeze' when his grandson, Chase, was visiting and wouldn't stop sneezing into his sleeve.
"I said 'Chase, you know what you need? You need a Sneeve.'"
Comedy gold, this guy.
You can currently visit the company's website and purchase a week's worth of disposable Sneeves for about $6.99, which is definitely more expensive than a box of tissues, but a lot cheaper than another doctor appointment. (Or you can just wait until the Sneeve is distributed to drug stores nationwide early next year.)
Stanley also hints that he'll be jazzing the design up with fun prints like camo and tie-dye.
"There should be, we hope, a cool factor here."
Will you be purchasing the Sneeve for you or your family? Or are the 'cold season cooties' really no match for a standard box of tissues?
Let me know in the comments below, and for more weird products you might not know you wanted until now, follow my SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY collection!