a year ago
danidee
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[ROLL CALL] What's Your Wackiest Retail Story?
So it's the most craziest retail weekend of the year here in the States, and chances are that you or someone close to you has gone to the mall within the past 48 hours. Maybe you're one of the many that bank on some awesome Black Friday deals, maybe you just got dragged unwillingly - or even worse, maybe you went to the mall to WORK because you WORK RETAIL and this weekend, you are a SLAVE.
Needless to say, I'm realizing some of you might need a place to vent out your frustrations, and don't worry, the Funny Community is here for you - and probably have some stories of our own!

Today's big question - What are some of your wackiest stories about working retail?

I'll start first:

Now, this isn't the only weird story I have, but probably the quickest and funniest one I can remember while still keeping things G-rated. I used to work at Starbucks as a barista, and one of the things we do at work is called a 'spin'. Basically, you have to go around the lobby of the cafe and wipe down all the tables, make sure the trash cans aren't overflowing and the bathrooms are stocked, etc.
One time, when I was doing a 'spin', a stereotypical soccer mom type with her 'venti three-shot no-whip no-foam extra hot white chocolate mocha' saw that I had walked right past her, and I guess she needed something and wanted some assistance.
What you do when you want assistance: Go up to an employee at the front counter, the hand-off area, or maybe even someone doing a 'spin' and say "Excuse me, can you help me for a second?"
What you don't do when you want assistance: Whistle at the employee like a dog.
Yes, I got whistled at the same way someone would whistle at their Australian Shepherd at your local dog park. Not one of those 'yoohoo' whistles, but the one that requires you to put your thumb and your index finger into your mouth so you can let out a swift and loud WHIIIIIIIIIISTLE.
My eyebrows raised in a way that I don't ever recall them raising before, and I remember thinking something along the lines of "Wow, uh.. that just happened."
The best part about this whole scenario is this woman's son ended up working at our same Starbucks location only a few months later, and I spent the rest of our job together wondering if he knows his mom is the kind of person who dog-whistles at retail employees.

So now it's your turn!

Comment below with YOUR weirdest/funniest/most terrifying experience working retail.

(Extra points if the manager backed you up.)

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

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I worked with a good friend for about a month in his family's pharmacy. Retail pharmacies are pretty interesting places... and this was in a small town outside of Savannah, Georgia... where I grew up. Georgia is a State that takes it's agricultural heritage seriously - and peppered in and around several of Georgia's best known cities you'll find farmland and working farms. This little suburb of Savannah's was originally a large cotton and tobacco plantation which slowly became overrun with subdivisions and "city folk" who were looking to escape city life. So in this pharmacy you got a wide mix of patrons from important business types and their trophy wives to coverall wearing farms with very little to no formal education. One day an older gentleman - a man in his late 60's - entered the pharmacy. He had dirty overalls, muddy boots, and the prerequisite "John Deere" baseball cap on. He was as we would say in the South, "Full-Blown Countrified." He came up to the pharmacy counter and slapped down a box with a prescription - he had a very serious look about him. "Look here! These damned things is supposed to help my dizzy spells. Doctor said I had some ear problems that make me dizzy. And the damned things don't work!" My friend looked at the box and looked back at me... a real puzzled look on his face. "You say they don't work? These are pretty strong - high doses of this medication." The man spit into a large cup he was holding... a common practice in the South called, "Dipping" - better known as chewing tobacco - it also usually meant things were about to get real. "I know what the doctor said and what your daddy said when he filled the prescription. I know that I take em' and they don't do a damned thing!" Then he reached into his mouth and pulled his false teeth out and put his tobacco stained dentures in my friend's face. "And they get stuck in my dentures and they don't come out - just get all gooey up in em'!" With that my friend's eyes got huge. "I understand. Sir, let me step in the back and check on something for a moment... I'll be right back." My friend couldn't get out of there fast enough. I figured the nasty dentures in his face had made him sick to his stomach. I heard the back door alarm - a "Beep Beep" sound - my friend had walked right out the back door. I walked over to the counter and said, "Sir, do mind if I take a look at that box?" "Sure... damned doctors and all their medicines... like snake oil if'in you ask me." I picked up the box and it read, "Promethazine HCL - Suppositories". I then heard my friend laughing hysterically outside. It was muffled enough I doubt the gentleman could hear it. He just stood there patiently chewing his tobacco. I walked to the back as my friend came back in the back door. "Ah... so are you going to tell him or do you want me to?" It took all the will power I had to not walk outside and laugh hysterically myself. To this day I can't hear the word "suppository" without picturing that poor farmer, dizzy, sitting in his kitchen opening the foil and taking the gooey bullet shaped pellet out, then popping it into his mouth and chewing on it like he was his tobacco... muttering to himself, "Damned witch-doctor snake oil selling, back door laughing little som-bitches." And it brings a big smile to my face. Retail pharmacy is indeed a strange vocation. It was not for me.
Well this wasn't wacky but I thought it was rather cute. So my mom and I were at Kids Foot Locker to look for new shoes for my brother's since we were going to a party soon. And this kid walked up to me and asked if I could get a shoe his size, I smiled and softly said "I don't work here." His face turned tomato red and hid behind his mom. Turned out that I had my lanyard on with my school ID and the kid mistook me as an employee. From then, people kept asking me for shoe sizes and I turned to my mom and said, "I should take this off..." The kid's reaction was adorable ^_^
During my first week at Staples (keep in mind this was during back to school so it was crazy busy) a woman returned a binder but didn't have her receipt or the credit card she used. If that happens basically the register will give the customer the lowest amount anyone has ever paid for an item. As i'm ringing up the next customer she comes over and starts yelling at me about how its robbery for me to give her so little back for a binder that cost like $8 or something. I politely told her that that was policy but if she could wait until i was done with the customer i was currently with i could help her. She continued to yell at me, all the while all the people in line were basically like "im so sorry for you" and im like yeahhhh lol so in the end i called my manager over and he explained our policy and he was trying to help her but she was basically saying she was going to call the police because we were stealing from her. In response he pretty much said "you can go ahead but that doesn't change our policy". My manager had the best sass hahaha
I don't even know where to start. 17 tears of working with the public and I have seen and heard it all. They lady who straight up beer Belcher in my ear and went on like nothing happened, prank calls you wouldn't believe, the kid hitting his nong while ordering the low tops, the drunk mom and her customized boots, the bra lady who made you go into the changing room for adjustments, smelled like foot, and never bought a damn thing, the guy who threw his pancakes at me because they weren't fluffy enough....on and on and on and on
Working midnight shift at McDonald's I had a huge black guy drag me across the counter and beg me for an eggmcmuffin. He was willing to wait an hour while I thawed the necessary ingredients
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