I hope it's okay if I take some time to vent some of my frustration. I'm just really sad.. and mad... and confused. I'm not going to hide or sensor anything, but I'll delete it later so it doesn't clog up any feed or ruin someone's day. I moved into a new school 2 years ago. I'm a senior in high school. anyways since I was in the dance team at my old school I got on the one at my new school. but it was horrible. the new school is only 5 years old so the dancers had little skill, but they would bully me. the director would lock me in her office and tell me what I could and couldn't do. she made me feel awful. my mom wouldn't let me quit until we did the mother daughter dance on the field. after that I started the anime club so I wouldn't be so lonely. the next year, not wanting to completely drop performing arts I joined theater. THEY HAD SO MUCH TALENT! I was really intimidated, but some how I got a part in the musical. soon I developed a crush on one of the guys and everyone was so nice. but it was a lie. one of the girls started telling the boy I liked rumors and she spread them. the rest of the group decided that they would "play" it out. so they pretended to be my friends and in December, suddenly, stopped talking to me. I was lost and confused. they stared at me from across the room. I had panic attacks and cried. I didn't know what to do. and just like that the year passed.
this year I vowed not to speak to anyone I didn't know. I wanted to avoid strangers so I wouldn't get hit again. one of these people was Emily. she was a short Asian girl and she's a grade under me. she was sweet with a pretty smile and a nice voice. she loves got7 and by far it's her bias group. of course you know her ub was Jackson. (I mean who doesn't love Jackson, he's like... life) but anyways I spoke to her on and off because her parents were so strict. I began to kik her about kpop. but... she always made me feel.. well... stupid. like I would tell her "hey! did you see the bts prologue!? " her response , no matter what I said would always be: "OMG yeah your so late. I've been known that." and I mean EVERY TIME. one day in the restroom I admitted to her, "you make me feel kinda stupid. " she said "well I didn't know that T.O.P was going to the military next year. later on while kiking her she told me that her mother had seen her kik and that she had to delete it. her parents were strict and it was a known fact by everyone, even teachers. so she deleted it. a few months later her picture had changed in her kik. (I've deleted it since then though) when I confronted her about it she said, *insert high squeaky voice*"what? no I didn't." before basically running off. she avoided me. my friend informed me that she had been saying things behind my back. at first I was super angry. why!? I've never done anything to you. i trusted you. I wanted to be your friend. isn't that okay? we like the same things. isn't that how you make friends? but at the end of the day... I just felt tired... defeated. I tried my best, I really did. I'm so tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being miserable, depressed. I'm tired of crying, of cutting. I want to say that I deserve better. that I'm a human being. but there's this stupid voice in the back of my head saying I deserve it. that I deserve to be hated. I'm not good enough. I'm ugly, dumb and annoying. maybe it's right. maybe she saw the real me and I wasn't good enough. wasn't cool enough. wasn't smart enough. maybe I wasn't early enough because I was so "late". I saw her today, she ran around a group of boys to ignore me. the same group of boys from theater. the same group who played me. the same group that is now currently in my class. and ran to class. I never had problems like this at my old school. maybe something wrong with me. I don't know.
I'm sorry about this guy's. I just wanted to get something off my chest. I don't see why some people compete in kpop. we all love the same thing. love is not a competition. we should stick together. a lot of people hate kpop because it's foreign, and some even think they're terrorist because they don't understand the difference between north and South Korea. here have a happy gif. I hope you guys have a great year.
BE HAPPY BE HAPPY!