jordanhamilton
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Single In The City: The Dating Game Vs. The Waiting Game

Dating isn't easy.

We all know that. Whether you're single and mingling or in a relationship, you're pretty familiar with what I like to call the 'dating woes'. If you've been following my previous cards, than you more than likely know that I've been single for a good five years. Don't get me wrong, single-dom is amazing -- but upon moving to New York, I realized that it was time to use my wings and fly.
With that being said I've gone on a handful of dates. Some better than others, but at the end of the day none led to anything long term. At the end of the day my focus will always be on myself, but living in such a huge city on your own -- it's nice to have that special someone. Overtime I have learned that I shouldn't expect anything when it comes to the dating lifestyle. I'm going with the flow of things and I believe that it has absolutely nothing to do with my timing.
I've gone on dates where the guy paid and I never heard from him again and I've gone on the dates where the guy formally asked me out, but didn't even offer to pay. I have no problem with paying my own way *cues Beyonce's Independent Women*, but if you take the time out to personally ask me on a date -- it's only right that you pay. Ladies, am I right or am I right? Yes, that was meant to be said twice. To make a long story short, the dating scene in New York city is a hit or miss and I've come to realize that.
I guess you have to get in the water first in order to learn how to swim, so I guess the same can be said for dating. It's a win-lose situation and I'm at the point in my life where I'm interested in meeting new people, but I'm also not interested in wasting my time. I will say New York has given me the confidence that I have lacked for years and I appreciate that, but only time will tell where my confidence gets me. In the meantime, I'm going to take each day as it comes and continue to love myself more and more until someone decides to fill that space.
5 comments
This is where I've encountered the most difficulty, both for myself, friends and customers (long story lol I'll just say that as a retail salesperson, you have a few customers who you talk very personally with and have no idea how the relationship started haha), is figuring out the whole dating thing, with emphasis on the paying ordeal. Me, as a person, and then me, as a male, wants to pay for everything. As a person, I know save $200-$300 out of every paycheck as spending money. How many 19-24 year olds do you know that do that? Hell, how many adults do you know that do that? Haha Not many. So, I know that I have the higher chance of having more money prepared. It has nothing to do with gender/sex. Secondly, I was taught that the male pays for, well, everything. However, I'm now running into females who want to pay for everything. I have females initiating dates. (Side note: I won't initiate a date until I'm 100% certain you want to go on one. I rarely ever take risks. Plus, I think of all the opportunity costs I'm giving up. I could read a few hundred pages, watch a few episodes of anime, try out a new recipe, cuddle with my dogs lol) It's always been a thought in my mind: If you initiate, it's your show. You follow up and it's planned out by you and you handle the money, unless payment arrangements have been agreed upon previously. That could just be a "me" thing, because I like having a plan of action. I like the focus and efficiency it gives. Plans also remove a lot of awkwardness, I think lol So, what do you think? Who pays when? Lol
2 years ago·Reply
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Wow! Thanks so much for chiming in. It's always great to hear a males point of view. I agree, if you initiate the date than its automatically your call. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks that way. I also think it's amazing that you save. I'm still working on doing that more often and I'm 25, so that says a lot about me haha. But I do enjoy being pampered and having the guy take the lead, but if I'm into you I have no problem doing the same. Just not all the time. If I'm always putting in the effort and paying for dates, etc and you never do anything or even offer than that's not the one for me @Arellano1052
2 years ago·Reply
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Any time ^.^ I'm always seeking to understand how people work and respond to my thoughts/how I function, in hopes of figuring out how to best be successful in different parts of life. And right now, I'm really struggling with relationships. Like you, I don't want to waste my time, but anybody close to my age, 20, that is worth the effort. I want something serious, I don't want the quick, meaningless flings that everybody else wants. And that's where my problem lies. Anywho lol Pampering is the most fun thing in relationships, I think haha Romancing somebody is the best thing ever and my favorite part of bring in a relationship ^.^
2 years ago·Reply
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But there doesn't seem to be anybody close to my age* sorry, I accidentally omitted a few words lol
2 years ago·Reply
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It's okay, I totally knew what you meant and I agree! I'm all for romance, but these days it doesn't seem what too many people are looking for and that's sad. I'm very old school. I want something worthwhile and something that's meant to last, but I'll remain patient :) @Arellano1052
2 years ago·Reply
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