DARKNESSFALLS
2 years ago5,000+ Views
This is an more of an self awareness post. It started pretty much last night when I was on Facebook and this person said the most profound crap I have heard in a long time. She basically said "no matter what has happened in the past there will always be some scaring left. You can try to hide it but sometimes in will surface" POW : it surfaced for me, btw this is a "nerd" based group and the whole context was about people accepting you for who you are. I had so many emotional bullets hit me as a teen that I never spoke about and they all flooded back. I looked in the mirror at myself and realized that I did not confront them or the people and I simply pushed in the back of my head.. Welp, I might not be able to confront those people now but I can get rid of it from my mind space. I sure can use a memory dump. Just to improve my mental state in general.
✨That is my mother and I college graduatation, I can not find the older photos. That involves scanning and visiting family ✨ I actually was tormented because of what I liked and I just did not follow the beat. It started in junior high but high-school was hammer hitting the nail. I went to a high school that was mixed ethics and races. However my likes and the things I chose to do lead into a lot of name calling.. The biggest one. Oreo, yup.. I did not know video game, comics and electronic loves were exclusive... The boys of that time.. "don't talk to her, she only likes Blanquitos" or " that body is going to waste.. She rather go to Manhattan and look around Nintendo world when she cuts school"... Another classic" what the fuck is Aqua? Where is the Ecko? " I was constantly slammed about my likes and who I am as a person. Oh, your mother can't be your mother. Please she is not going to the Ave, she is not urban. She just asked for a chicken wrap, when we want ham and cheese with heavy mayo and a tropical fantasy or a Cc cola. Why does she should like a dictionary? Oh she lives in a house on the hill.. I seen her she walks the opposite way. Who the fuck cares about MK or Playstation.. I rather play with her but she is an Oreo and bourgeoisie. Acne and the bullshit... Smh
Side note : Oh and please do not get into what I looked like.. Oh man Oh man.. Everyone hated me period, to the point I wanted to ask my mom to change schools and that I was tired of her being referred to as my grandmother.
Then came the in healthy relationship... With him.. Yeah he is just him... Or it.. I'll just call him L A's Purple Man (I'm not getting into the entire story of my ex boyfriend, but I can say this. I believe some of the torment I faced made me more welcoming to what he offered..think Jessica Jones and Purple Man without the physical rape but definitely abuse)
✨ Do it yourself Halloween with my second oldest niece, we were both some type of killer ✨ I was called all kinds of names for this Halloween photo, I could not sleepy have fun with my niece and I actually cried. Yup L A shed tears. I was called a "whore" "you need more clothes on" btw we did not go outside like this, one of my friends took photos for fun and showed there Halloween collecting off and man I got it good lol. I worked my niece wanted to have some fun so she went nuts with my brothers shaving cream and I took a knife. The whole them of DIY psycho killers that's what it was. Seriously everything that could be found was on her (my niece)
No, not until I found someone to accept me.. And friends who liked me for me.. The goof, the gamer, the cook, the nerd , the sports lover, the lover of the man of my life and the random ass I am. I just needed to let all that past stuff go and enjoy my new friends and life! People expect me to convert and I won't. I am going to do what I feel and see fit. Editors note : that "nerd" group besides the few good post is Tinder waiting to happen. I'm not on all the time (Facebook) but since I joined the group, can you say friend request city Oh and I love the ladies who say, Omg I am a gamer I play Super Mario on my Xbox 360 How this ties into Deadpool? he was not accepted and he deals with pain with laugher.. Two of a kind him and I. Laughing is sometimes easier than dealing with the problem. He is a comic book character, he will be fine. I myself am not so I have to deal.
I'm not perfect. I love everyone and I like to learn. I hate being tossed to the side because of what I like. Take me as I am... Crazy L A the Merc with a Mouth (yup that's me this week sick and still sick.. I need a medic lol)
But I like you guys.. But that @buddyesd guy No le gusta
@MichaelOgg  @SamTheMallow  @BeannachtOraibh  @JoshuaGraston  @Kirooken  @shannonl5 @jak91 @trin1991 @jonathanbellamy @sammsosa @lostpastaproxy @elijah101 @XxChato03 @peahyr @KaitlinUlrich @LigerP @CarissaLeal @Kazukisolanon @KristianHampton @DustinAtkinson @txSuspect214 @MotherEffinPoe @redapple615 @shogu12s @DLowLewis @nobankai @S92pk @IsaacAmbrose @TambryInskeep @MotherEffinPoe @LAVONYORK @Rafamike @JonathanBellamy @trin1991 @JoshuaGraston @Namrow @brandongromala @Jak91 @Fallout14 @SamTheMallow @CandaceJordan @DarthRevan @MelvinManning @Calanator @twistedreaper6 @MichaelOgg @Kirooken @DerpyPantz @Lawlpool @kenjutsu101 @electica @SterlingH89 @Jak91 @kuzuri96 @MichelleHolly @Taigara @Zeta @CodyBunting @chuyslim @AutummUmphries @EmmaLeaBell @JrGrimes @idonthaveoneema @Kirooken @Bakuman247 @buddyesd @lostpastaproxy @sammsosa @amobigbang @shannonl5 @butterflyblu @nobankai @BeannachtOraibh @MoisEsGaray Not my regular Mercs but I do love and respect your input! Plus you guys are awesome! ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ @danidee - you are not with the Mercs with mouths but I would like to give you some info on me besides Pam from HR needs to know! @AlloBaber thanks for tagging me in your cards so I'm sharing a bit of me with you @jordanhamilton great cards you make. I love the tips, I am sharing my jacked up self with ya lol @alywoah thanks for tagging me in your cards as well, I definitely had a challange of walking the ethic mix and the Fandom life mix. Get to know about my bullshit on both sides lol @JonPatrickHyde because just because you know. @TessStevens - I know you like to keep up on me lol, I'm alive.. Painkillers are working
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Yeah I had problem with the same group @LAVONYORK. Thanks @shannonl5
2 years ago·Reply
@LAVONYORK Do you know how much I love you?! *super hugs* I'm glad you are exactly who you are, because otherwise, you wouldn't get me the way you do. You are perfect. (A MwM moment incoming...) Besides. F em all. 😜😉😍
2 years ago·Reply
@butterflyblu you're such a beautiful person inside and out! Thank you huh
2 years ago·Reply
I've never fit in so I've always done my own thing. I use to be sensitive. Now, I'm like who cares. This is my life. Adults can be just as thoughtless as younger folks. Keep being you. You'll be happier. Always.
2 years ago·Reply
I know how u feel. As Hiei says "There is no one who does not carry scars on their heart. If there were to be someone like that they would be a shallow soul" Or something close to that. Our past is what makes us who we are today. So ur past has make u stronger and more open to others and their pain and u can help guide them with all u went through. Stay strong and continue fighting!! 💜💜 btw u are very beautiful!
2 years ago·Reply
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