AlloBaber
2 years ago5,000+ Views

“Booty, booty, booty, booty rockin’ everywhere.”

Or so go the wise words of American philosophers and rap artistes, Bubba Sparxxx (is that the right number of x's?) and The Ying Yang Twins.
Indeed, they've got a point; sometimes it seems like everybody’s hopping on the booty call train. That’s what it seemed like to me in college, when I was pure and virginal (don’t laugh!) with no idea what the appeal of the booty call was.
It had happened to me once, I was pretty sure, and had been an utterly distasteful experience. It had happened to my friends, too, who experienced various degrees of success with the whole enterprise. I just had a lot of questions.

Of course, when you have a lot of questions about something, the best thing to do is to conduct an interview with an expert.

They can give you all kinds of insight that you usually can’t find in a book.
(Case in point: I checked out “Great Booty Calls of the 18th Century” from my local library, but the prose was difficult to follow and, to my mind, poorly translated.)
Who could I interview that knew a lot about booty calls, possessed ample research experience in the field, and had the credentials to back it up?
Then it hit me... Myself.
Q: Hi Alli. How are you doing today?
A: Um, good. This is weird, just like… talking to myself like this. But okay.
Q: Just roll with it. So here’s our first question for you today: what is a booty call?
A: Well, a booty call refers to the modern interpersonal phenomenon in which one person contacts another, oftentimes late at night, and sometimes under the influence of alcohol, expressing a desire to see them for the sole purpose of conducting amorous relations.
Q: Can you clarify what you mean by amorous relations? And try to keep it PG-tween, please. Vingle is a tweenpropriate place.
A: Um… that’s a weird question, because I think it’s already pretty self-explanatory but… okay. Uh… kissing. Amorous relations would be like kissing. And uh… hugging. I guess. I’m pretty sure tweens know about s–
Q: You know what, I’m gonna stop you right there. Moving on. Have you ever been booty called?
A: Yes. I think so. Well, yes. A lot. I guess. I mean, I never really thought about all the crazy times I spent with hookup buddies as booty calls, because the phrase “booty call” just sounds kind of dumb and trivial and grimy. It was more like, a good-looking male acquaintance and I would exchange a few texts about what we were doing that night, go out and have drinks with our respective friends, and late at night, somehow magically end up at one person’s apartment, drinking beer and making out.
Q: That sounds like the definition of a booty call.
A: Okay, well, I don’t need your judgment, me.
Q: No judgment! I’m just saying, it sounds like a booty call. That’s all. Don’t get mad.
A: …Okay. Fine. Anyway. Yes, I guess one could say they were casual encounters of a bootylicious nature. One could definitely say that.
Q: That’s what I’m saying.
A: Yes, I know that’s what you’re–!
Q: So onto the next question.
A: *mutters* You’re so annoying.
Q: *pretends not to hear* What role do you believe booty calls play in the sphere of modern romance?
A: That’s… actually a good question. Well, first of all, I think they’re becoming more and more the norm. America is becoming a more sexually liberated place, and as we do so, it’s more acceptable to engage in casual sex.
Q: *whispers* Don’t forget about the tweens.
A: I’m not forgetting about the tweens!! Ugh. So anyway… yeah, especially when I was in college, booty calls were a normal occurrence. I even got quite good at them, in the sense that I was comfortable negotiating that kind of an interpersonal transaction. But the problem is, no matter how much you like sex and how okay you are with doing it casually, after a while you start getting tired of the lack of the question. I did, at least. I mean, I’m really glad I had that period in my life, don’t get me wrong. But at the same time, when someone’s calling you just for sex all the time, you start to feel like… I don’t know, like an object. You feel a little used.
Q: Is there any way to avoid the feeling of being used in these kinds of situations?
A: I would say the only way is to use people yourself. If you’re using them to get what you want, too, then it’s not as big a problem if they’re using you. But… that doesn’t seem like all that great way to live, I guess, now that I say it that way.
Q: Now who’s the judgmental one?
A: UGH! This interview is over!!!
Q: Wait, wait, wait. One more question.
A: …Fine.
Q: What are you doing later tonight? *wink*
-----------------------------------
Well… that got a little weird. Needless to say, the interview is going to stop there, because I think I just attempted to booty call myself, and that’s a road I don’t want to go down. I hope you enjoyed this strange, slightly schizophrenic interview.
If you have any more questions about booty calls (because I’m tired of thinking up questions myself hehe) feel free to ask in the comments!!
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Dang, whoever said opposites attract have not experienced the sexual tension you had with yourself toward the end of that interview.
@Luci546 I totally understand that feeling, tho!! It's how I used to feel, and how I feel now. I had to change a LOT before I felt comfortable with the multi-guy thing... and I mean, it was to fulfill a need, as I mentioned, but I still don't feel it was necessarily the best thing I could have been doing. I'm much happier now as a one-man woman, as I've been calling myself lately ^.^ heheh. That's what I figured though, that it might be cool for some people to be able to hear about that headspace and see what it's like! Glad you enjoyed :) <3 Do you guys have any other ideas for interviews I could do with myself??
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@danidee remember the tween audience!!!
That has to be one of the most entertaining things I have read in a long while (both the interview AND the comments.) Excellent post @AlloBaber !
@luci546 I totally understand where you're coming from. Since I am quite busty, but I have a small midsection, usually I find snuggier clothes that covers my cleavage makes me feel my best. I used to wear much sexier outfits, but I feel comfortable with modest wear. I think it's just figuring out what sort of clothing makes you feel at your best. The perfect kind of outfit for me looks like this: http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1oLZiIVXXXXXXXFXXq6xXFXXXb/2015-Summer-Style-Women-Striped-Knee-Length-Dress-round-neck-slim-waist-sleeveless-casual-Women-Dress.jpg
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