It's deathly close to the Holiday Season [isn't it already the Holiday Season, Paul?] and that means one thing. Going back home to your family and trying to explain to them why you're still single. And no, they won't take "oh she's a model in Canada" anymore [because that only worked never times].
So how am I -- I mean, you going to convince your family you're in a stable relationship where there's something more than just sad crying and 3 in the morning arguments about who was supposed to DO THE FUCKING DISHES BECAUSE I SAW YOUR GODDAMN NAME ON THE WHITEBOARD, LAURA.
Anyway, Hatoful Boyfriend -- the game in which you romance a pigeon -- is getting some Holiday DLC and it'll help you figure out a good way to lie to your family members and not tell them that you and Laura are thinking of getting a divorce because she's constantly out with her "friends" [you know you're just being paranoid, Paul]. But who cares about her, right?
There's nothing better than finding love in a computer game. I mean, there's LITERALLY NOTHING BETTER. You can sort of guess the way the pigeons are programmed and you can count on them TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE CALLS or BE THERE EMOTIONALLY WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED THEM TO BE. [It seems like you're holding some grudges, Paul]
I'm not, I'm really not holding any grudges. I'm totally fine. I needed this, you know? I needed to be reminded that life and love is a fucking sham. I said, I'm fine. We all go through this process. We fall for someone, right? Then we fall out of love with them. It's not anyone's fault. [You make it seem like it was Laura's fault]
Maybe I'm just jealous, alright? Laura's out there, doing something really cool, and I'm stuck at home cleaning dishes or the catbox or the living room. It's like we don't even interact with each other the way we used to. It's like I've lost touch with who I am and, more importantly, who she is. Did I ever tell you how important she is to me? Did I tell you about the way she smiles in her sleep? Or how she winks at me from across the kitchen when I'm chopping tomatoes? She's growing. Without me. And I lash out. I lash out. [Maybe you should be telling her this]
Maybe I should be telling her this.