I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't see the first movie. And I don't really plan on seeing this one. But I do like the idea of the movie. I love the idea that someone out there still thinks that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are lucrative in some way or another. I think it's really fucking awesome that there's one (or two or three) people out there that will gladly spend their money on this movie.
It's really a testament to the human spirit. It's resiliency. It's vigilance. It's everything that makes America great. Don't vote for Trump, vote for the idea of this movie and its existence because that's what'll make America great again. Actually, maybe you should go and watch it. Maybe I should even go and waste about 10-13 dollars and maybe another 8 dollars for popcorn to watch this movie. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Have you seen the trailer (above)? It's beautiful. Not what's actually happening on screen, don't get me wrong all of that is fucking garbage. It's one banana shoe out of two (because you can only rate things out of two when you're talking about shoes). It's scary CGI versions of Turtles that wear pants and talk and stuff.
Can you think of what the people thought while they were making this? I'm not trying to say that they were sitting in front of their Mac or PC silently hating their lives, knowing that this is just a day job, and wishing that they worked for Pixar. No, I'm not going to get into that (even though it's a possibility).
They probably sat at their desks and thought, "This, what I am doing right now, is amazing. I am contributing to the zeitgeist. I am making something meaningful". Which is more than I say on a daily basis every time I enter the office. I'm thinking things like, "Oh great, another report. Oh great, I'm slaving away towards something I don't believe in. Oh great, Steven forgot to wash his slacks again and our shared cubicle smells like the inside of rotting zebra carcass. Oh great, Steven is talking to me about God again even though he knows I believe everything is meaningless and we're all going to die alone no matter how many kids you have because they'll leave you once they realize you're a shitty parent and father and caregiver because you SPENT ALL OF YOUR GODDAMN TIME SITTING IN A SHARED CUBICLE NEXT TO STEVEN WHO SMELLS LIKE A BABY DIAPER FILLED WITH PUKE."
But anyway, the one thing everyone seems to be talking about when it comes to this trailer is the reveal of Rocksteady and Bebop. You know those other animal mistakes that become bad guys? Yeah, those too. It's kind of outrages to see them in CGI but I don't know if that makes this movie any better than the last one.
Sure, you're serving the fans, Mr. Movie-Decision-Maker. But who are the fans? I bet you can't name all two (or three or four) of them. Sorry, sorry. I'm just being a huge stick in the mud because I've been having a bad day. Maybe I need to realign my chakras or something. I have to call Jessie and make that appointment. She's always real nice and invites me to stay over when I'm too tired to drive.
You can expect to waste your hard earned Disney dollars on this movie when it releases in theaters on June 3rd, 2016