Yeah, I've been feeling pretty horrible recently. Everything, on the outside, tells me that I should be happy, you know? Like, my friends and family tell me that I've got everything going for me. Like I'm doing something right with my life for once. But why doesn't it feel like it?
So, I spent the last couple of days at work just looking up new music. Maybe I'd find something that would make me feel a little more alive, you know? And I remembered this old band I used to listen to, Latterman. And how they split up. I tried listening to them but it didn't work out because I'm one of those hipster assholes who needs to listen to something a little current but still under the radar. I know, I know, you don't need to make that face.
But then I remembered they split up into 3 different bands. They are Bridge and Tunnel, RVIVR, and Iron Chic. They're like the Holy Trinity of Fuck You I've Stopped Caring. And I have. I mean, I honestly have. And when I found that Iron Chic had a somewhat recent album, I jumped all over it. The song Bogus Journey jumped out to me the most.
It, somehow, understood the exact thing I was feeling. I hate my fucking job. I hate the people around me. And I hate that they don't understand on a molecular level that I struggle with some shit. Listening to this song, it really got me. It really helped me reach a place where I can talk to you without wanting to bash my head into this table.
It's all a matter of entropy while I break apart entirely. What ever might be left of me might mean something to someone. Now I'm all out of energy. My mouth can't be coaxed to speak. When you've fucked up at everything, you start thinking that's how it should be.