Under the cover of darkness (and Star Wars: The Force Awakens), the trailer for the next Star Trek movie came out. And maybe I'm just dense or I don't know enough about Star Trek to understand anything that's going on in this trailer but I have one theory.
And it's that everything went belly-up banana shoes and Star Trek lost everything but those cool jackets and uniforms they wear on the Enterprise. Okay, yeah, I just admitted that I don't know enough about Star Trek, so how could I know anything about what the series has lost?
The truth is that I probably know nothing (I am Jon Snow, obviously). But come on, let's just watch the trailer and try to figure out what it's about.
From the start, everything seems pretty cool except for the fact that they're listening to the Beastie Boys. I don't have anything against the band or anything, it just seems entirely fucked that the crew of the Enterprise are listening to the Beastie Boys in space. I mean, there's got to be cooler space bands they could listen to.
Anyway, I was basically on board (heh, on board, get it. do you get it? hey do you get it) with the trailer and then Spock got disappeared (as seen in the screenshot in the first block) and everything went clown make-up and got me confused. I mean, there's one moment where Kirk is driving a motorcycle off a cool jump that just so happens to also be a part of the landscape.
And then there are explosions. There are tons of fucking explosions. Like the Enterprise gets exploded, other spaceships get exploded, and explosions get exploded. Like what even is happening? What even is Star Trek: Beyond? It's directed by the Fast and Furious guy, which makes total sense that everything doesn't make any fucking sense. And maybe that's the misstep here. Maybe, instead of getting vehicle chases/explosions man to direct the movie they should have gotten someone who was capable of directing a movie with nuance, intellectuality, and wit.
But whatever, right? I am (basically) Jon Snow and I know nothing.