AlloBaber
2 years ago1,000+ Views
♡ Lovebug Community Question! ♡

Hey Lovebugs! :)

So last week I asked you guys for all your love questions, and you came through wonderfully. :) I got 12 questions, and I'm so excited to answer each and every one of them!!
Now, I chose to answer this question in particular first, because it's on a topic near and dear to my heart. Take a look:

Q: So, I always think that confidence and happiness are like the chicken and the egg in a relationship. I'd like to know, which comes first?

Should my confidence come from myself or from dating someone who makes me confident?

A: First of all, this is an excellent question! Thank you so much to the anonymous asker for submitting it. I'm so excited to share my thoughts on the subject – I hope you find them helpful!
I'll start by saying – it's my belief that being happy, loving yourself, and being confident all come from the same place: within yourself.
In college, I dated a guy for a long time. I expected him to make me happy, and when he didn't, I got really upset with him. Not only that, I was constantly depressed and disappointed. I was looking to someone else to take care of my emotional needs for me.
That was my mistake. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. These days, I'm a very positive and happy person, because I take care of my own emotional needs, and never look to outside people or things to satisfy them.
Confidence is the same way. You can't be confident based on exterior circumstances, like acing a test or having an awesome boyfriend. Those things will make you feel great for a while, but it's a temporary confidence.
True confidence comes from inside. It starts with self-love – accepting and loving yourself for who you are, despite your flaws. Finding the good things about yourself, and celebrating them. Believing in your goodness, your intelligence, your talents, your ability to succeed and to achieve the goals you set for yourself.

And I mean REALLY believe in them.

It's tough. It's okay to have doubts; we all have those crises of confidence now and then. But even though it's a long road, keep working on it every day. Never stop fighting to convince yourself of your own intrinsic worth. Because for me, it's necessary to happiness – as well as success in the dating world.
You cannot have a secure relationship if you're insecure in yourself. It is my firm belief that no one should be in a relationship until they are a whole person who can stand on their own two feet and take care of their own emotional needs.
Too many people look at a relationship as something that completes you, that makes you happy, that saves you from your flaws. This is the totally wrong way to approach things – if you're insecure, those problems you've been masking with romance and infatuation are going to crop up sooner or later, and you better believe they'll take that relationship down. Plus, now you're dealing with two peoples' problems instead of just one, and that's a heck of a tangled mess to sort out.

So, in conclusion, I believe confidence in yourself MUST come before a healthy, successful relationship.

Keep fighting – we all could use more confidence in ourselves, but it's something you can definitely get through hard work and perseverance! :)
If you'd like to hear more about my journey from an insecure pre-teen to a confident 23-year-old, I'd be happy to share more. :) In fact, that'd make a great card. If you guys would like me to write it, let me know in the comments!
And please share your personal thoughts on this question, too. Do you agree with what I've said? Disagree? Have additional thoughts to share? PLEASE, PLEASE do! I'm sure whoever asked this question would appreciate all the help we can give him or her. :)
Thanks for reading guys, and until next week!
@NerukaWong and @humairaa I know you guys wanted to help answer, so would you two like to be my Love Deputies?! :D You can share your thoughts in the comments or even write your own cards with extra advice!! (I can also message you guys some questions to answer if you'd like. Hugs and kisses!!)
If you have a question to submit, click here. And if you'd like to be tagged in future editions of this post, just let me know! :D

XOXO Lovebugs!!

26 Like
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14 comments
Honestly when it comes to confidence I think you have to fake it until you make it. It's something that we all have inside of us, but the world chips away at us and gives us all these awful insecurities about every little thing from the moment we're born. The best advice I've gotten is to act the part and eventually you start to live it
2 years ago·Reply
I think confidence in yourself definitely comes first. I would love to read a card about your journey!
2 years ago·Reply
Spectacular card, @allobaber c: I got all emotional. Like, legit. I'm so happy I got to read this :'3 I read it to my boyfriend and my best friend and even they were really amazed with your advice and it helped them, too. I'll always keep this card ^.^ And I'd love to read your life stories!
2 years ago·Reply
@allobaber I hope you don't mind me chipping in on this one too. I honestly think that confidence can come from a relationship, but if the confidence does come that way you're walking a fine line in that if your relationship dies, at the time when you need it most, your confidence goes too. If you build a confidence from within, it's more resilient and to me a more 'authentic' confidence, built on only you. @shannonl5 is right, the world and our own insecurities always try and chip away at our confidence, but there comes a point where you have to just be comfortable with who you are, and say 'screw you' to anyone who doesn't like it. Whoever asked the question, you have many beautiful, strong Vinglers here to role model. Best of luck in your journey of confidence.
2 years ago·Reply
I agree with @ChriSingularis . What I can add is confidence is a state of mind. Also fake it until you make it.
2 years ago·Reply
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