Hey Lovebugs! :)
So last week I asked you guys for all your love questions, and you came through wonderfully. :) I got 12 questions, and I'm so excited to answer each and every one of them!!
Now, I chose to answer this question in particular first, because it's on a topic near and dear to my heart. Take a look:
Q: So, I always think that confidence and happiness are like the chicken and the egg in a relationship. I'd like to know, which comes first?
Should my confidence come from myself or from dating someone who makes me confident?
A: First of all, this is an excellent question! Thank you so much to the anonymous asker for submitting it. I'm so excited to share my thoughts on the subject – I hope you find them helpful!
I'll start by saying – it's my belief that being happy, loving yourself, and being confident all come from the same place: within yourself.
In college, I dated a guy for a long time. I expected him to make me happy, and when he didn't, I got really upset with him. Not only that, I was constantly depressed and disappointed. I was looking to someone else to take care of my emotional needs for me.
That was my mistake. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. These days, I'm a very positive and happy person, because I take care of my own emotional needs, and never look to outside people or things to satisfy them.
Confidence is the same way. You can't be confident based on exterior circumstances, like acing a test or having an awesome boyfriend. Those things will make you feel great for a while, but it's a temporary confidence.
True confidence comes from inside. It starts with self-love – accepting and loving yourself for who you are, despite your flaws. Finding the good things about yourself, and celebrating them. Believing in your goodness, your intelligence, your talents, your ability to succeed and to achieve the goals you set for yourself.
And I mean REALLY believe in them.
It's tough. It's okay to have doubts; we all have those crises of confidence now and then. But even though it's a long road, keep working on it every day. Never stop fighting to convince yourself of your own intrinsic worth. Because for me, it's necessary to happiness – as well as success in the dating world.
You cannot have a secure relationship if you're insecure in yourself. It is my firm belief that no one should be in a relationship until they are a whole person who can stand on their own two feet and take care of their own emotional needs.
Too many people look at a relationship as something that completes you, that makes you happy, that saves you from your flaws. This is the totally wrong way to approach things – if you're insecure, those problems you've been masking with romance and infatuation are going to crop up sooner or later, and you better believe they'll take that relationship down. Plus, now you're dealing with two peoples' problems instead of just one, and that's a heck of a tangled mess to sort out.
So, in conclusion, I believe confidence in yourself MUST come before a healthy, successful relationship.
Keep fighting – we all could use more confidence in ourselves, but it's something you can definitely get through hard work and perseverance! :)
If you'd like to hear more about my journey from an insecure pre-teen to a confident 23-year-old, I'd be happy to share more. :) In fact, that'd make a great card. If you guys would like me to write it, let me know in the comments!
And please share your personal thoughts on this question, too. Do you agree with what I've said? Disagree? Have additional thoughts to share? PLEASE, PLEASE do! I'm sure whoever asked this question would appreciate all the help we can give him or her. :)
Thanks for reading guys, and until next week!
If you have a question to submit, click here. And if you'd like to be tagged in future editions of this post, just let me know! :D