The X-Men Apocalypse trailer came out last week and it took me a week's worth of time to try my best to understand and breakdown this trailer. After I gathered my thoughts, my brainpan went swish and I realized that I know almost nothing about the X-Men.
And it's not one of those weird "OH I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THE X-MANS WHAT IS THEM" things, it's more like a lake and less like a moat. And by that I mean, yeah I know they're a thing that exist within the Marvel universe but I don't know enough about them to know their names.
And I guess that's why I screen-capped Michael Fassbinder (above) making that weird expression. Because that's how I sort of feel. Like I'm staring up at the sky in a flannel shirt (because that's what hip-hipsters wear, ya dummy... and he's the only actor I recognize other than Jennifer Lawrence) making a weird face screaming at the heavens.
Anyway, I watched this trailer a little confused because I don't know enough about Apocalypse to even pretend. He wears a pretty sweet outfit though and it seems like maybe I should ask him where he buys his armor. Mine is always molded and soldered onto me (since I'm a droid and all) and I'd really like to have some removable armor for once.
It also seems like there's something going on with the pyramid in this movie. There's that establishing shot with the sun and the pyramid and that line of dialogue about the Bible. So maybe it's like Ant-Man. And by that I mean, Ant-Man was mostly a heist movie disguised as a superhero movie. So maybe X-Men: Apocalypse is a Da Vinci Code-esque conspiracy theory movie disguised as a superhero movie.
Man, that's a lot of disguises. I think that really fits the content of the film. Since most superheroes wear those things when they go out in public.
The movie also seems to allude to the fact that the movie is about the Biblical Apocalypse with the Four Horsemen. And it looks like Steve Jobs (Michael Fassbinder) is one of them. Which is a total change of pace, I mean he made the iPad for God's sake. I don't know why he'd make such a turn but whatever.
Wait a second, wouldn't that be interesting. If all of these actors are just reprising roles they played in previous movies. Like Fassbinder is the Steve Jobs and Jennifer Lawrence is The Hunger Games. It seems like she could be The Hunger Games in this movie, her tenacity is strong and it really gets me pumped. You're right J-Law, this is a war. Or something.
That being said, I'm pretty excited for this movie. But I don't think I'm excited enough to watch it in the theater. I'm already planning on watching Star Wars a billion times, so I don't know if I'll have enough money to watch/do/pay for anything after I get over that stint. Hopefully the movie goes a little something like this:
-- X-Mans are there.
-- Bad guys are there.
-- X-Mans lose during the first or second act.
-- Bad guys get close to winning
-- X-Mans get their shit together
-- X-Mans and bad guys are there again
-- X-Mans win this time.
-- Post-Credits scene.
-- Fast Forward a year or two, sequel trailer revealed.
-- I still don't know a goddamn thing about the X-Mans.