VeronicaArtino
2 years ago1,000+ Views
To Love and Be Loved is Such Sweet Sorrow Part 3...
(Your Pov) I landed in Florida, and departed from the plane. I saw Tim's mother waiting for us with open arms. God this woman is like my own mother. I go straight into her arms and she wraps me up in her loving in embrace and smooths down my hair and pats me on the back. After a moment she steps back from the hug and examines me. *Love, you will survive,* she says peering into my eyes to the very depth of my soul. *Heartbreak makes you grow even more beautiful, but first you will look like hell.* I bark out in laughter. She gives her son a sad look knowing I broke his heart. She wraps him up in a hug and holds him tightly and whispers something in his ear. He towers over his mother so he had to bow to hear what she said. *Hospital first, or your place to drop of luggage,* Tim asks. *Hospital first,* I answer. We arrive at the hospital and my little sister and baby brother run up to me and squeeze me tightly. I pat their heads and rub their backs. I give each a kiss to their head. I am so happy to see them. We pull apart and I notice my grandma standing in the doorway of my grandpa's room with a sneer on her face. I look at my siblings once more, then my grandma. *How is gramps? Is he doing better?* *He has to undergo a quadruple bypass surgery tomorrow morning. They will be putting in stents. He is now stable enough to have the surgery,* my grandma says snottily. I grab my little siblings hands even though both are just a little taller than me and lend them my support and comfort. I felt the weight lift from their shoulders, knowing I was right here for them. I walk into my grandpa's room, and see him hooked up to machines and IVs. He's awake and his eyes twinkle and gives me a weak smile. I hold back my tears to be strong for him and my siblings. I sit down next to him and grab his hands. My siblings come in and sit down to. My grandma leaves to who knows where. I begin to tell him about my adventure in Korea. When visiting hours are over my grandma hands me the keys to the minivan and tells me to take my younger siblings home, and that she would stay with my grandpa. The surgery is first thing in the morning. Tim calls right when I am leaving the hospital, I tell him I am on my way home and that my grandpa will be going into surgery in the morning. I told him I would call him sometime over the break to have a movie night but I will probably a little busy playing mom to my siblings. He stated he understood. I arrive home and make dinner for my siblings. We all decide to get in our pjs and camp out in the living room and watch tv together. We all sit on the couch. Me in the middle and my brother on one end and my sister on the other. They cuddle right up to me. They eventually fall asleep. I put their heads on the opposite ends of the couch and cover them with covers. I get up and sit on the loveseat and let the sadness I have been holding in escape through silent tears. I wonder about Seung-hyun and how he is holding up. I wonder about all the boys. In each of their gifts I left my email address for them to contact me. But I told them they could not open their gifts until Christmas day. I know some of them will open before then but I will have at least one week without any contact from them. I grab my sketch pad and start drawing Seung-hyun and the boys. I eventually fall asleep for a few hours. I wake up and make breakfast for my siblings. And we get ready for the day. I drive us back to the hospital and we wait with my grandma. My siblings hold her hand comforting her and I just let her berate and yell at me, at least she was keeping her mind off my grandpa. Hours later the doctors come out and said my grandpa is in recovery and the surgery went well. A little of the weight lifted. I hugged my siblings. I noticed last night that there was not very much groceries so I went grocery shopping with my siblings. We laughed and joked around feeling better that our gramps surgery went well. We went home and vegged out in front of the television and played board games. I worked on some poetry to work out my feelings. My siblings and I practiced are martial arts and went back adn visited our grandfather. We repeated this for a week. Grandpa was discharged right before Christmas. My older brother and his wife came down to surprise us from Daytona. He stayed for the day and then brought us back to his home for the rest of winter break. I checked my email and notice that Jiyong, Taeyang, Daesung, and Seungri emailed me. Thanking me for their presents and wanting to know how I was. I noticed no mention of Seung-hyun and no email from him. I replied back that my grandfather was recovering and that I was holding up. I asked about him. Jiyong, and Daesung replied back that he was in a black mood but slowly recovering. Ji yong emails he talks about music with me and makes jokes about each of the members. Making me smile. I tell him about my younger siblings and my older sibling and my times at the beach in December making him laugh and jealous. Tim was sad I wasn't able to spend time with him for winter break. But I fiugred this would give him time to heal his heart a little. Weeks passed and I emailed back and forth with the boys, but I still heard nothing from Seung-hyun. Jiyong, Seungri, and Daesung would send me clips of him dancing and rapping. But it was Taeyang that one day he sent me a clip of Seung-hyun singing with such sadness. I broke down crying. Taeyang is upset with me for making his hyung hurt, but he knows I am hurting as well. Weeks past and school starts again. I get back in the swing of the things. Before I know it I am testing for my black belt. I passed and I emailed Seungri pictures of my sister and I with our black belts. Of course he had to comment about my little sister's beauty. I just laughed him off. Again nothing from Seung-hyun. Months passed and I am getting ready to graduate. Tim and I our truly like siblings now. I even set him up with one of my female best friends. They hit it off and are totally in love. My heart does not hurt as much over Seung-hyun. I just really now miss the friendship. I figure maybe he didn't want to be friends since it has been about 5 months and still no word from him. I voice this to the boys. I mean our emails are becoming less and less the closer to their debut. But we still do email each other. I tell them how happy I am even though I still have some sadness.n. Ji yong and I have especially come close through email. His always make me smile. I tell him I graduated within the top 7% of my class, and that I have my associates in business. I tell him that I am moving from Florida to Ohio, and that I really do miss Korea and everyone. He responds telling me he misses my clumziness and unique laugh. He shares some song lyrics he writes and I share my poetry. Months pass again, and I do not hurt about Seung-hyun anymore. I look back on the memories with a smile. I love seeing him performing the videos the guys sneak and send to me. I cyber stalk him since he does not communicate with me. Then I meet a guy in Ohio. He's older and he makes me laugh. He's shy. We start dating. I still email the boys and tell them about my love. I tell them about school how I am studying to become a medical assistant to eventually to become a nurse, then pediatrician. But that I have to do school slowly because I am paying everything myself and took out a student loan. How I work two jobs then help take care of my niece and nephews.

JAN 2006-Oct 2007

The boys debut as Big Bang and man ot really was a bang. They are doing shows, and advertising. I send my love with email and save pictures to my computer and flash drive. They send photos of them being cute and lazy. Jiyong really keeps a continuous contact with me. But it starts to slowly dwindle with their busy schedule. My heart does start to hurt after I lose contact with the boys. Tim hardly contacts me anymore. I start to turn more inward. My boyfriend is loving but is broken and bipolar as well. I accidentally got pregnant and had a miscarrige. It really changed me as a person. My boyfriend changes a little too. We break up for a month and then get back together. I still email the boys periodically with small updates not expecting return responses. But I do get some from Jiyong and Seungri. They always ask if I'm ok and I always lie. Until one day Jiyong read between my lies at the tone. I broke down in the email how I really don't have anyone I talk to or trust, how I had a miscarrige and scared it was a punishment from god. But that don't worry I am actually seeing a therapist. I just miss certain friendships. I feel alone right now in the world. He promised to email more frequently that he and the boys would always be there for their number one V.I.P. I emailed back even Seung-hyun because I really miss his friend ship the most...Jiyong did not have a response for that. I stated I understood. My life became gradually better with regular emails from Jiyong and the other boys. My heart hurt a little that Seung-hyun never once emailed me. But my boyfriend and I became closer after our loss. In August I became engaged. The boys congratulated me. They became even bigger and bigger.
(His POV) It's been a year and half since I last seen or spoke to Veronica. My heart feels better today. I look back on the memories now and truly smile. I know everyone still talks to her through email.They even gave me her email address saying she would love to hear from me. I just can't communicate with her. I feel ashamed now that so much time has passed. I hear snippets of conversations between the boys about her hear and there but when I come in the room they change the topic. I think I'm ready to finally open the gift she got me for Christmas 2004. I go to my room after training for our comeback. I pull out the gift from its spot. I stare at it. I hear a knock on the door. Taeyang enters and so does Daesung. They look at me and then the gift. *What is that they asked a gift you forgot open at Christmas,* they both ask teasingly. *Yeah from two years ago. The one (y/n) got for me.* Taeyang looks at me with sad eyes. Dae pats my back. *Why didn't you open it before?* *I think my heart would have hurt even more at the time. Then when it healed I forgot about it. It wasn't until today when I heard a snippet of conversation with her name that I remembered I still had it. So I wanted to see what she got me and maybe contact her and become friends again.* *She says she misses your friendship.She has gone through some more rough times but healing. I think she would like for you to be friends again,* Taeyang said. *She doesn't talk to Tim anymore. She says she doesn't have a best friend except maybe Jiyong now,* Dae adds. I nod my head acknowledging that I heard what they said. I open The gift and I am floored. It was her poetry book she left me. On the inside cover she wrote an inscription to me.
Seung-hyun, Here's my broken but beautifully pieced together soul thanks to you. I really hope you enjoy them especially the last ten pages. On the back cover is my email. I really wish to stay amazing friends. Thanks for help healing my heart and my soul with one note, word, rap, and smile at a time. You are going to always shine brilliantly and brighter than the most precious jewel.
My eyes tear up at the way she use to see me. I smile at the memories that came up with this inscription. *You guys I am fine, you can go. I am going to start reading her words.* I lean back and start reading the ink she put to page baring a piece of her soul trying to heal. I feel emotions well up inside of me. I read one after another until I am half way through. The things she expressed was a pressure cooker in my chest. I put it to the side and grabbed my pad and starting writing myself. The next day I find Jiyong and start talking to him about writing for our album. He emailed and takes a look at my words. He grins to see my excitement and hard work. He asked about my inspiration. I tell him of (y/n) Christmas gift from 2 1/2 years ago that I finally opened. He shook his head in understanding since he has read some of her poetry before especially those poems I read. I go about my day looking forward to the night to read some more. I read and get to the last ten pages. they are literally poems about things we've done before and how she felt about me. She confessed to me with her poetry. Just like she said on the back cover was her email address and another message.
Young love, is called stupid a lot of times. But it is the most special because it can be molded and sculpted everyday. Written and played like fresh hook or melody. It is always written about in love songs. What I am trying to say is if you want to try dating long distance contact me. After graduation instead of moving back to Ohio I can move to Korea. I know we are young and you are about to debut but I will support you quietly in the background constantly and be there when you get home. But if you feel like a long distance relationship is one you do not want to try I understand. Just wait a few months to contact me. But let's remain friends you get me like no one else. Just know I love you and my happiest place was beside you.
Tears fall from my eyes, and sobs wreck my body. It's too late to start the love she wanted but not to late for friendship. At the sounds of sobs the boys come in and see me. Jiyong takes the book from my hands and reads the back cover. Sadness falls upon him at my tears and her words. He passes the book to Taeyang. They both kneel and hug me.They tell me it was meant to be this way, and it would be ok. But I still feel as if I lost my true love in this world Maybe we can be friends. I spend the rest of the night pouring my feelings upon pages and pages in my notebook for songs to be featured on our album. Then I get up to email (Y/N). I just can't find the words to say to her. So in the end I decide not contact her but instead hear about her through the guys. Hopefully she watches my career sky rocket and know she inspired some of songs. (Her PoV) So I have a new little niece and I am engaged to be married. I shared my news with the boys. They said congrats but they didn't seem to be that happy for me it hurt my heart. Then I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly. I emailed this to Jiyong. He was floored. I told him not as floored as me...He asked when I was getting married...Not for a few years was my response. He said he didn't understand. Explained I had commitment issues, plus he has another child and we have issues we need to work on before I agree to take that step all the way. Though I do live with him and that I didn't need that piece of paper to know I was his and would be faithful. We email back and forth through my pregnancy and I explained how I couldn't drink water out of plastic it needed to be in a glass. How I wanted barbecue chips on my ice cream. Then he asked the gender of the child I would be bringing into the world. I told Jiyong he would need to show my son to have swag like him. He laugjed. Him and the boys promised to be good uncles. (His pov) I was really happy for her. She was engaged and expecting a son. She will make a beautiful and wonderful mother. Despite Her Worries I Know she has. I am a little sad I am not the one for her. But it seems there may be a sliver of hope since she is not getting married right away. But that is a dangerous path to think about. I'll focus on work. Focus on work...Do not hope for a future with her in it... Fuck it...I'm going to hope for a future with her and keep my ears out for the first sign of trouble in paradise...
11 comments
View more comments
this is amazing!!
2 years ago·Reply
@VKookie47 sorry but thanks for reading
2 years ago·Reply
No its worth it, love it! @VeronicaArtino
2 years ago·Reply
yassss!!!!
2 years ago·Reply
33
11
13