Star Wars: The Force Awakens comes out tomorrow. And some of you lucky people who don't heard feral cats for a living will be able to watching the movie tonight at midnight. But what about the rest of us honest cat herders? Well, we've got to avoid the spoilers.
And there will be spoilers. Everyone's got that one friend who starts talking a lot of dumb shit on Facebook and ruins everything for everyone. I mean that's how I found out the Red Wedding was something terrible that happened on Game of Thrones because everyone thought it was ideal to post memes like:
THAT FEELIN' WEN RED WEDDING HAPPEND AND YOU'RE LIKE
[insert gif of Kermit the Frog or something]
And the rest of us are like, what the fuck Mike, shut your big mouth. You dingus.
Anyway, Stephen Colbert knows that in the age of Information in which we live, we're more susceptible to spoilerland and ruining everything for ourselves. So, he devised a plan to help us with that...
By tweeting some of his own fake spoilers in order to flood the Internet with information that's so ridiculous no one will believe anything on Twitter when it comes to Star Wars spoilers. I don't know if this plan will work as well as he'd hoped but it's funny to jump on to Twitter and just say things that don't make any sense.
It's almost like playing Star Wars mad-libs. Like...
[insert character] does [insert action] and [insert character] then [insert joke or something].
With that format, I could be like...
Luke Skywalker does aerobics and Han Solo then judges him because the Force keeps him in such shape and now Han is like, "damn, I'm losing it, Leia doesn't even want to sleep in the same bed anymore".
Either way, I'd say that's a pretty good spoiler.