Sometimes I'm sick of being transgender it only reminds me that there's one more thing in my life that sucks. I have enough going on in my head without reminding myself that I'll never truly be a man and how I'll never be seen as who I am to everyone. I'll never have my family support me and be proud of me for being who I am. To be honest if my grandfather ever finds out I'll be lucky if he doesn’t kill me. It's a reminder that I'll probably never know what it would be like if me and the girl of my dreams have kids that are half me and half her. So many feelings I'll never actually get I just have to pretend I do. Yeah most trans people go through this but they don’t have to deal with being the outcast. I'm an outcast of people like me because I am the way I am. Being trans reminds me that it's just one more place I don’t fit in because I do it to myself. I isolate myself because I won't pity those who don’t deserve it. At the end of the day what makes me such an outcast is that I know I'm much more than just a trans person and I have to deal with all these reminders alone.