2 years ago500+ Views
Sometimes I'm sick of being transgender it only reminds me that there's one more thing in my life that sucks. I have enough going on in my head without reminding myself that I'll never truly be a man and how I'll never be seen as who I am to everyone. I'll never have my family support me and be proud of me for being who I am. To be honest if my grandfather ever finds out I'll be lucky if he doesn’t kill me. It's a reminder that I'll probably never know what it would be like if me and the girl of my dreams have kids that are half me and half her. So many feelings I'll never actually get I just have to pretend I do. Yeah most trans people go through this but they don’t have to deal with being the outcast. I'm an outcast of people like me because I am the way I am. Being trans reminds me that it's just one more place I don’t fit in because I do it to myself. I isolate myself because I won't pity those who don’t deserve it. At the end of the day what makes me such an outcast is that I know I'm much more than just a trans person and I have to deal with all these reminders alone.
I'm proud that you had the courage to not only express your feelings about your stance but what you had to go through to get to this point in life. Life is full of people and situations that won't make sense or leave you thinking that your better off alone, but always know that there are people who do care and will help you through the trials of life. I remember one bit of advice that resonated with me for a majority of my adult life "you have to learn to be comfortable with being alone". for a while I took this as a message telling me that no one but me can love me for who I am. but as time goes by it more or less translates to the problems you face must be tackled by you and unless you know how to make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. it takes time and patience but one thing you can do (although it is the most difficult thing to do sometimes) is smile. there are a lot of benefits that associate with a smile and even if your faking it, your mind will attempt to perceive the world more optimistically. This all may be a broken record to you ( hearing it over and over again), but I truly believe that you can and will overcome these obstacles.
@quietone I don't know what you're going through and won't pretend to, but I will say that you have my support. I know the world can be very unforgiving and it can be hard to find people who you can relate to on the level you need. I hope they come into your life soon but if not please believe me when I say that your life and experiences matter.
@quietone That's a shame. You must have quite a few "various" reasons to shut-off an entire community.
"Most trans people go through this but they don’t have to deal with being the outcast" I think you have this a little mixed up. Over 60% of trans population has to deal with this situation and these same thoughts. [Not only are they outcasts in some form, but mentally and physically abused] Anxiety, Depression, violence, both mental and physical draw-backs. The struggle is VERY real. You are by no means alone, nor should you belittle yourself in any way. There are TONS of people struggling with trying to love themselves; even if it's not the "you" that was physically passed down through genes. Secluding yourself is natural, but doesn't help your well being. I'm not here to Preach, I'm only here to let you know that you aren't by any means alone unless you make yourself that way. There are people out there that relate, and those that can help. Friends waiting to be made and people waiting to be a part of your life. No one can change you or help without you taking the first brave steps.
I know I'm a stranger but if you need to talk...
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