Donnie Darko is a movie that people love talking about for some reason. When I was in high school, everyone told me I should watch it. They said, "Hey man, you'd love this" and I'd say, "Fuck you. You don't know me", then I watched it and I was like, fuck, yeah I totally like this movie.
I try to revisit bits and pieces of this movie every chance I get and the last time I did, I realized something. I realized that this is the perfect movie for everyone who is an angsty, shitty, teenage boy.
Here are 10 moments from the film that really understand what it's like to be a teenager.
1. Knowing Everything
My favorite thing about teenagers is that they think they know everything. Like, for real. They think they got everything figured out. I mean, I was totally like that. I'd give everyone the finger and believe that I knew how life would turn out for me. But you know what? I was wrong because everything anyone ever tells you is bullshit. I don't know anything. And I won't for a while. So, if you're a teenager reading this, you're probably dumb as bricks.
2. Dumb Boy Sex Stuff
All teenage boys want to do is talking about fucking things or putting their dick in jelly in the side of their mattress or just to get their rocks off doing weird stuff. And that's it. You want to know what it's like to hang out with teenage boys? This. All of this. And the worst part is most boys don't grow out of this. I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing about dick-in-hole-trophy-women stories as an adult. I thought y'all were supposed to grow up.
3. Emotional Bullshit
I get it. I can be pretty sad. I can get caught up in this trap of emotional bullshit even now. But when I was a teenager it was at an all time high. I was all like "DEAR GOD EVERYTHING SUCKS" and these days I stare off the sides of bridges until I feel like I need to go home.
4. Again, Thinking You Know Everything
There's something really irresponsible about this quote because it's one teenager telling another teenager that everything is going to be better when in reality it won't be.
You'll constantly be let down by your own expectations.
5. Being Dramatic
Being a teenager means being a dramatic asshole. That's it. You're emotional, you're tragic, you'll never be as beautiful as you are right now, you'll continue to be dramatic. Sometimes, your girlfriend will think this is "hot". Sometimes they'll try to fix you. But they can't.
No one will.
6. Saying Things To Sound Smart Just to Say Them
You're not as smart as the things you say Teenage Paul. Get over yourself. Stop repeating things you've heard other people smarter than you say just because you think it'll make you sound smart, cool, and introspective. No one liked you Teenage Paul.
Get. The Fuck. Over. Yourself.
7. More Sex Stuff. Constant Sex Stuff.
Teenage hormones are serious, man. All you do is think about having sex even though it's probably a giant mistake you'll rush into. It's the only thing on your mind and for that, you're a silly dumb teenage boy. It's just sex. It's meaningless and gross. You'll get bored of it or continue to lie to yourself that it's something you want.
8. Feeling Regret For No Fucking Reason You're a Teenager
When I was a teenager I remember wishing that I could go back in time all the time. I was like, "Oh, fuck, I should have told Jessica that I thought she was beautiful today now she's dating Mike and I'm here doing her math homework, what the heck!" But in the grand scheme of things that isn't a regret I continue to think about. All my regrets involve decisions I should have made and people I should have kept around. I don't care about physical touch or relationships, I care about being happy. And I regret not doing more to make sure I'm happy now.
9. Goddamn You're So Dramatic it's Hard to Believe
When I was a teenager I dreamed about apocalyptic events constantly. I hated what I was surrounded by and it made me come off like a brooding sad guy. I know I write sad things on Vingle from time to time but I'm really not that sad. It's a darker sort of humor (I can still hear my friends laughing). But Teenage Paul took this stuff pretty seriously. He took everything a little too seriously.
10. You Were Probably, Actually, Terrified
Listen, Teenage Paul, I know I was being kind of a shitty dude to you and invalidating all of your experiences. But the truth is that I know, I know you. And I know how hard it is for you right now. Everything that's happening to you now feels heavy. Like literally heavy. It's like you've got boulders on your shoulders, your collarbones cracking.
You feel like there's nothing left of you. And nothing for you to get back. And I get that. It's scary. But life is scary. And I'm not coming through the time-space continuum to show you that people read stuff on the Internet in lists now or to tell you that things are going to get better. Because they won't get better.
You'll get older and it'll get harder. But you've got to keep going, kid. I believe in you. And there are several people that do. This isn't going to sound helpful at all, Teenage Paul, but you're a great dude. Stop wearing giant jeans, get a haircut, and go be yourself. Do things you want to do because you want to. Don't listen to anyone. Live your life. It's okay to be scared.
It's okay to be scared. We'll be scared together.