Let's face it. The year is about to end and everyone and their Facebook is trying to figure out if they had a good year. You probably didn't. Actually, you know what? You probably had a great year. But I certainly did not. After a certain point, I feel like life is a little ridiculous and each year is the same as the last. The issues or problems might not be the same but they still find themselves popping up in my life.
Whether it's relationship, life, or financial problems, I seem to be tied between two 18-wheelers tied at the wrists and ankles. I can hope for a better 2016 but I'd just be lying to myself again. So, as you prepare to make your new year a new start for yourself. Remember that time is cyclical and nothing feels good. That's what I'll be doing anyway.
Here are 5 songs from 2015 that truly understood how shitty this year was.
It Looks Sad -- Creature
This one is an easy one for me to pick because the lyrics resonate with me so much. It's a fucking bummer and so was my 2015. So, this one was on my playlist constantly. One of the best things about my year was trying to convince myself that I was in love. And then convincing myself that the other person was in love with me. And at the time, it felt great. Like I finally met someone that gets me. But nope. We don't even really get each other. We were just wasting our time trying to convince ourselves that we do.
I lost my lungs, I don't really need 'em. I lost my heart, I don't really need it anymore. I am in love with somebody and guess what? It's not you.
The Wonder Years -- Cigarettes and Saints
The Wonder Years' No Closer to Heaven was one of the albums that surprised the hell out of me when it came out. I didn't think it was something I needed to purchase and I haven't really been a big fan of The Wonder Years before this record. But after hearing this song and Cardinals, I was sold. This song reminded me what it was like to lose someone. To like really lose them. And it hit every note. It hit every emotion. And I'll listen to it whenever I think of my old friends.
I’m sure there ain’t a heaven, but that don’t mean I don’t like to picture you there. I bet you’re bumming cigarettes off saints. I’m sure you’re still singing but I’ll bet that you’re still just a bit out of key. With that crooked smile pushing words across your teeth. You were heat lightning. You were a storm that never rolled in. You were the northern lights in a southern town, a caustic fleeting thing. I’ll bury your memories in the garden; I’ll watch them grow with the flowers in the spring. I’ll keep you with me.
Radiator Hospital -- Night Out
Coming in at exactly 90 seconds, Radiator Hospital's Night Out perfectly captures the way I feel right this second. It's the last couple of lyrics that really get me [posted below] because the metaphor used is so accurate when you feel like you've given your all to someone else. It's like that belief that love or a relationship can be something big and bright and beautiful but you just end up succumbing to all your bad parts. I remember that I am not a good boyfriend or man. And I'll suffocate under the weight of my own expectations.
Make me feel something natural. I think they don't like where you're going. I think they might be right. Your mouth opens like an ocean when I walk in your sight. The credits haven't started rolling, but I can feel them coming around. Your heart opens like an ocean. I let myself drown.
Adult Mom -- Sorry I Was Sorry
I found this album pretty late this year (as in a couple of weeks ago) but when I heard this song, the opening lyrics hit me so hard, I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm not sure if I mentioned this and it's better if I probably don't but I'm a pretty difficult person to be in a relationship (romantic or plutonic) with. And as all of my relationships came to a nice slow crash, I felt every word of those first two lines etch into my skull. Fuck. This was a good one.
Sorry for asking you to love me more. Guess I’ve become the burden I was so fearful of before.
Run, Forever -- Big Vacation
If there's a song that sums up my year. It's this one. Run, Forever is a band that's always been on my iPod/iPhone/Zune/etc. It doesn't matter. They always seem to capture what I'm feeling at any given moment. When I was first introduced to them they had a much more folk-punk approach to their sound. But their latest Self-Titled release is much more reserved. It's a little slower, a little older. And Big Vacation is a huge part of that.
From the first verse to the last lines of the song, if you ever find yourself truly wondering, "What's Paul like, not on the Internet". Listen to this song and read the lyrics below. I left them all for you to take in. It's catches that existential angst I find myself in so perfectly. I cannot be more grateful for this song/band.
I felt just like everyone, when I grew so bored with my life. I got a job to save for a big vacation. Couldn't find someplace I liked. But if the plane went down or if the fuel runs out over the ocean and no one was ever found. It would be just as well as what I paid for. You sound like a salesman while pitching your sincerity to me. We shake hands but there's no time to listen. You say you're glad we got to meet. And in a crowded room, I watch the way you move. Confident and coiled if I follow everything you do then I could have that life too. Spend another night in strange kinds of company. Try to clean my head but you're calling me, something that you said burned into memory. Take for granted everyone around you.