2 years ago500+ Views
Yesterday, I was thinking about all the emotional pain and sorrow that the man i loved has caused me and how I still carry that around with me. I need closure that He will never give me. Then, I got an idea. Actually, I'd been thinking of doing this for a while but I guess it just wasnt the right time yet. But yesterday, I felt ready. So I decided to go ahead and type a note to myself as if it were from him. It is all the things that I know my heart aches to hear. It is that healing balm to make the pain of that cruelty that he inflicted upon my soul go away. It is the magic words to help release the pain that I've been carrying around all this time. As I began to type, i couldnt keep myself from crying, but it was a good cry, the kind of crying that lets you know that you are healing. They were healing tears. It's a small step in the big process of recovery. It doesn't make everything all better but it helps. It is not as good as hearing it from him, but it is better than nothing. This also helps you find forgivness in your heart for them. And you need that because unforgivness is like a poison to your soul. Here's what I typed. It is heart-wrenching. These are the words i long to hear. "i know you loved me. Im sorry that i hurt you. Im sorry for all the silent treatments and the times i tried to make you feel like you had to do things that hurt your soul just to get my attention. I'm sorry that I punished you for not doing those ugly things that i wanted you to do. Your heart was tender and full of love and i was cruel and harsh with you and i hurt you so deep inside. I know you still carry that pain. I'm sorry. Im sorry for devaluing you so badly that you wanted to die. Im sorry for all the times you missed me and i wasnt there because i was being an asshole. Im sorry that you had to watch while i treat other women like they are worthy of my attention. Im sorry that i told you that i loved you and cared about you when i know i never did. Im sorry for the years that you waisted your tears and prayers and your love on me when i was too pridful and cold-hearted to care. Im sorry that i abandoned you without a single word said and no explanation. Im sorry that i went and got married without giving you the closure that you need and deserved because you were good to me. Im sorry that it took me so long to say these words and i made you carry that pain around with you all this time. Im sorry that i awakened a most beautiful love that i fully intended to trample under my feet without a second thought. Please forgive me, and i wish you happiness if it is possible. you deserve it." There it is. Do you need closure from someone who hurt you, someone that you loved dearly or needed in your life? Or perhaps many people let you down all at once and you still carry that pain to this day. Maybe you should do what I did. But it has to be the right time. Be corageous. Get through it. Cry. Get angry. feel the pain being released from your soul with each healing tear that falls. And if you dont mind, put it on vingle and tag me so i can read yours.