Over the weekend, Entertainment Weekly ran a piece (THAT'S RIGHT I CONSIDER EVERYTHING THAT ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY PUTS UP AS PIECES, THEY'RE ART. ENTERTAINMENT IS ART) that shed a little more light on the Assassin's Creed movie that's been in the works for the past year or so [you made that up, you don't know how long].
Along with revealing that Michael Fassbender hasn't played any of the Assassin's Creed games before signing on to be in the movie, they also released an official photo from the movie where we can see Fassbender with his co-star, Ariane Labed. You can check out the photo below.
So, above is a picture of two assassins on a roof. And from this, we can assume that there'll be some rooftop action. I'm totally going to assume that this whole movie takes place on the roof. Like, where else would it? I'm just trying to fit in with the cultural norm here. I mean, as soon as an official thing gets released onto the Internet hordes of weirdos and sticks-in-the-mud come to rain on everyone's parade.
So, that being said, this whole movie is terrible. Everything about it is terrible. When's the last time you watched a video game movie that was good? Yeah, see I told you! Everything's going to be bad because cynicism is cool and anyone who is excited about this movie is a giant nerd and loser and come on Assassin's Creed isn't even that good!
Like why aren't you playing Madden bro? Why aren't you playing Call of Duty bro? Yeah, you can sneak around and stab guys but what the hell bro. Like, come on bro. Bro. You're telling me that Assassin's Creed is a good game? Bro, where's the CoD: BLOPS movie, bro? Or maybe like, bro, a movie about the Nazi Zombies, bro that'd be so fucking good bro. Where's your head at you idiot? Come on, bro. Bro. Seriously? Bro. Come on.