Are you that couple? The one constantly picking at each other? Always finding flaws in the other person and exploiting those in an effort to get the upper hand?
Isn't that whirl of drama exhausting? Would you like to get back to the early days of gooey hearts and fluttering butterflies? Keep reading because I found this great article by Alice Boyes, Ph.D. for Psychology Today, online.
The Year of the Monkey is upon us and if you're not up to speed on what that means for relationships, the breakdown is this: Your relationships will veer from stagnation to either BETTER or WORSE! It's a visceral year, which means that the good will get better and the bad will get worse. The bright news is, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE which direction those relationships go!
Here are five helpful ways to start fresh and turbo-charge your relationships as adapted from Alice Boyles' article:
1. Workout Together
When you engage in an activity that keeps you both moving in the same direction, you become a team, rather than opponents. This doesn't mean playing games. While there's nothing wrong with games, doing so immediately positions each of you against the other. There's a winner and a loser. You want to avoid that. The point is to build bonds and strengthen them. Physical activities such as working out does your body and mind good, but it also unifies both of you. You experience the highs, the fatigue and the rest--together, which is important.
2. Acceptance
Instead of drawing lines in the sand at every turn and underlining every quirk that annoys you to death, (like them not wiping the sink after they use it!!!), ACCEPT the fact that there are things about them (and you) that WILL NEVER CHANGE. Rather than allow your blood to boil over such matters, take a minute to get inside of your head and make a cognizant decision to accept that they will never change in this area.
3. Discover Love Languages
@Allobaber wrote a fascinating card on the different love languages that we speak. have you ever wracked your brain doing/showing/giving/sharing love, only for it to fall on deaf ears? Maybe you and that other person speak DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES. I encourage you to read her card, pick up the book on the Five Love Languages, and truly discover the language that you and your significant other speaks.
4. Hugs and Hugs
While skin-to-skin contact is exceedingly more effective at raising oxytocin levels, you can achieve near-similar results with extended hugs. Research has found that couples who hugged more often and for extended periods of time (of at least 20 seconds) experience dramatic benefits such as reduced stress, trust increases for the other person, and stabilized psychology. Dubbed the hug hormone, oxytocin is a natural-occurring molecular response to this type of contact, whether it is sexual or not.
5. Time Your Complaints
They say timing is everything, right? Well, it seems to be true for when you choose to voice your complaints to the love of your life. Those moments just before you depart, say for work or school is no time to list your complaints, regardless of what it's about. Even if it's about your angst over something arbitrary like a television show. The moments before we depart and when we come together again should be upbeat, positive and free of negativity. And when you voice your complaints, it's got to be constructive--how can choices/actions lead to a better/different outcome.
I am excited to see how I can be a better person, by making better choices, sticking to my convictions and discovering more about the people I am around. @TessStevens wrote a beautiful card about the impact David Bowie made on her (and legions of fans). He lived his life full of color, inspiring millions to believe in themselves and their endeavors, artistic or otherwise. What are we doing to be better people? Better friends? Better lovers? Better human beings?
Let me know if you have other great suggestions to reboot your relationship for 2016 to make it bigger, better and all around more awesome!!
