I cried until the sun came up. I cried as I saw the sun rise slowly into the sky. I cried so much that I felt I could cry nothing else, I had no idea where all these tears were coming from. When the sun finally rose, it comforted me with its warmth. The heat slowly drying the tears that were left on my face, and with that warm comfort of the sun I finally stopped crying. “Hello?!?!?!??!?!” “Huh? What???” I’m snapped out of my thoughts to see my little brother waving his hand in front of my face. “Oh finally I’ve been calling you for forever!!!!.....hey…what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Leo asks me “Huh? Oh?” I wiped the tears from my face. “Oh it’s nothing my little cub.” I grab my little brother and sit him on my lap while I hugged him and kissed the back of his head. “I’m just a little sad I’m going to miss my little cub when I leave for school. That’s all.” I tell him. “I’m going to miss you too…..do you have to leave?” he asks me As he said these words I tried to hold back my tears. I hugged him tighter as I said in a shaky voice “yes my little cub I have to go, you see your big sister wants to go and prove to the world that she has the talent to become an amazing artist. The school that I’m going to will help me do that.” “You liar you are just going to have fun with byeol and with your mommy.” He turns to sticks his tongue out at me, and then smiles as he wipes away the tears I was trying to hide from him. I smiled back at him but I burst into tears and my little brother just sits there in my lap and hugs me tell me that it’s going to be OK that he is a big boy now. He holds me and sits there with me until I calm down enough. When I finally look up to see him he has tears in his eyes that he is trying to hold back. It broke my heart knowing that I was causing him this pain. I look at him and tell him that it’s OK them jumps into my arms and continues to cry with me. We continue to hug each other until Leo’s tummy starts to rumble. I giggle when I hear his tummy I ask him “are you hungry my little cub?” “hahaha. Yea I came up here to tell you to come and eat but I forgot.” He smiles at me and says “ I love you vivi.” “I love you too my little lion.” We get up and head out of my closet to see my dad sitting on my bed crying. When he sees us he gets up quick smiles and wipes his tears away. “Let’s go eat the foods getting cold” with that he walks out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen. After my dad had finished eating he got up didn’t say a word and went to his office. When we had all finished eating I helped clean up with my step mother Luna. She asked me about my plans for my mom’s surprise party, where I wanted to go first when I go there. I told her about some of my favorite places to visit and about some of my favorite foods. She said that she wished she could go there and see all these places and to eat all the food. Talking with her made me really happy that my dad had someone to spend his life with. Luna was a good woman. When we had finished cleaning all the dishes, I looked at Luna as she put the dishes away. When the last dish was put away she faced me and I quickly hugged her. “Thank you. Thank you so much for being here for being with my dad I know that I wasn’t all that accepting of you but I hope that you know that I do love you very much and I really am going to miss you.” As I finished saying this I felt something drop on my shoulder I looked over to see Luna crying silently. She responded with “I love you to ivy and I’m glad that I was able to keep you company over these years that I have been with you and your father. I know you will find what you are looking for in Korea you deserve to spend time with your mother.” I hugged her tightly once more before I let go, I wiped the tears that started to form. I smiled at her briefly before saying a quick thank you for dinner and then I headed back to my room. As I reached my room the tears threatened to escape. I quickly shut my door, grab my ipod and listen to.
*listen to the song if you want to it helps set the mood* Evanescence – My Immortal I ran into my bathroom and sat there on the floor. I cried with such a need and longing I felt as if I was leaving forever and that I would never see my father and Luna and Leo again. I wanted to go see my mother and my sister I was so happy about it Today I realized what I was leaving behind My father. My brother. Even Luna. The fact that I hadn’t realized this sooner made me feel so incredibly stupid. My little brother that had tried to fight back his tears to spare me. My father, the man that I had only seen cry once for the loss of his own father. My stepmother, who couldn’t completely fill the hole that was left by my mothers absence. But she was there for me when I needed someone to help me with boys, with bras, hell she always took care of me when I was sick when I was sad. As much as I missed my mother I also resented her I never said anything to her cause I didn’t want her to feel bad. When I was younger I hated her and I think she knew that. But I was a stupid child and I didn’t realize that my indifference to her, broke her heart. As I got older I realized what she had to endure being so far from us. I learned to forgive her for what she did. Even though I was only a child then, 15 years have past And it still hurt me. Every birthday wish. Every shooting star. Every wishing well. Every prayer. I wished to have her by my side. But she wasn’t there. I hated her for it. Yet I couldn’t free myself from the immense longing and love I had for her. She is my mother. And as much as I hate her, I can never stop loving her.
discussion are always welcome if anyone has any questions. im going to be tagging anyone that liked the previous chapters and those of you that have shown an interest if you would like to be removed or added to my tag list just let me know and i will. again thank you to anyone that takes the time to read my story. i send hugs to each and everyone of you (>^.^)> -E