Nightmares, even more nightmares. I woke up sweating and panting. I walk around my home trying to think of a way to calm my nerves. Soo Yi came into the basement after me. It's filled with pictures of my childhood.
"Where are all your guns?"
"I hid them, that way you won't be traumatized again". She gets closer and i turn around. She's taller than me so i had to look up. Frankly, i've never stared at her for this long, but it didn't take long for me to know that she had changed but still had no idea what it was other than her normal life.
"Have you been taking the pills i gave you?"
"Your "sleeping" pills are not working. Every night i wake up thinking i was being raped again or that i'm being aimed at with a gun. My nightmares won't go away and i don't know what to do...........i'm scared"
"When was the last time you were ever that scared?"
"When the accidents happened. 내가 왜 해야하지 ? (Why shouldn't i)"
"I don't know what to tell you. If the pills are not helping you, then--"
"You're gonna give up on me?. Don't worry...... everyone does.". That was enough for me to walk out of there.
Soo Yi and i walked around the beach telling each other stories. Her stories, surprisingly, were interesting and i was actually paying attention. Hearing her laugh for the first time made me smile and it didn't go away until i fell asleep on her shoulder while we were watching a K-drama.
In the morning i was not in the mood anymore. I went to the pool in the back and went to the deepest part. As i said before, i am scared of the deep water. But why was it that looking at the water made me feel.... free.
My feet made their way inside and i just sat down in the bottom of the pool and closed my eyes. The thought of my past brought tears that couldn't be seen. The voice in my head was telling me "set yourself free, the pain will be forever gone". I thought of that for a second and i was about to breathe and almost passed out when i heard Soo Yi's voice....but it faded away and i couldn't hear it anymore.