We'd all love to be like those smooth guys in the movies, walking casually up to a girl and getting her phone number like it's the easiest thing in the world.
In real life, there are definitely more nerves involved, maybe a tad more awkwardness, and CERTAINLY more difficulty summoning up the courage and confidence it takes to do such a thing. We can't all be Ryan Gosling, after all.
But hey, if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone and take a tiny risk, I can get you pretty damn close.
Here's how to approach a girl you've never spoken to before. Written by a fully-certified, card-carrying lady ;)
Step One: Catch Her Attention
This is where you see if the girl even wants to be approached. An important first step, because if you try to approach a girl who's not in the mood to meet strangers, even nice ones, then you will certainly get shut down. And possibly not in the nicest way.
So what you do is:
1. Look her way. Catch her eye if you can.
2. Smile at her.
3. Watch her response.
Does she look away quickly and motion to her friends to move away from you? That's a no. Does she smile back? That's a yes! You should be able to tell more or less accurately from this first testing of the waters if this cute girl is open to being approached for polite conversation. Measure her response to you and judge if you should continue on to step two.
Step Two: Make Contact
If this girl seems like she could be down for a hello, I suggest you leave your friends behind, walk over to her, and say hello. It takes guts, and girls appreciate that. Nothing like that sort of confidence to make you seem like a rugged, manly fox.
This is how to make contact:
1. Walk up to her and say hello.
2. Introduce yourself (to her and her friends who are there – it's basic politeness, even if you're only interested in talking to her).
3. Again, watch the response.
If she's in a group of girls, are they giggling and looking at each other? Don't be scared – that probably means they think you're cute. Is she trying hard to avoid your eyes and acting like you don't exist? Well in that case, you misjudged, my friend. She did not want you to approach her. But if she's smiling, and seems friendly and willing to talk to you – and plenty of girls WILL react this way, if you approach them nicely – then you're set to continue to step three!
Step Three: Make a Move
You've made it this far, and the vibe is still positive. Way to go! You should be feeling confident and encouraged. You might just have a shot! The next thing to do is take this whole shebang from a simple hello to the possibility of something more. How do you do that?
Watch and learn:
1. Tell her why you came over. Stick to the truth – it's super flattering, after all. Sincerely compliment her; tell her, "I was sitting over there with my friends and I couldn't help but notice you," or "I just wanted to tell you – you have the most beautiful smile."
2. What comes next depends on where you are. You want to a) have a short conversation with her and her friends, and b) get contact details so you can get to know each other better later on. If you're in a bar, for example, the logical next move is to buy her a drink and chat one on one for a bit.
But if you're at the mall or something like that, where it's hard to have an excuse to talk just the two of you, and she's having a fun time out with a group of friends, you probably don't want to pose too big of an interruption. In that scenario, I would try to keep the interaction pretty short (not rushed, not creepy, just friendly, charming, and short) and ask if you can give her your phone number.
Guys miss out on this one detail all the time. It's not about getting girls' numbers – it's about giving them YOURS, and letting natural curiosity lead to next steps. That'll save you time and actually prevent rejection in the long run, because she gets to feel comfortable and make the decision on her own time whether or not she wants to text you. Let her make the move. Then when she texts you, you'll know it's because she actually wants to get to know you better.
3. No matter what she says, politely and respectfully wish her and her friends a good day and walk away, feeling like the awesome, courageous man you are. No begging, no getting mad if she says no – just thank her for her time, apologize for interrupting their conversation, whatever – be polite and gentlemanly. And if she says yes to your phone number or to meeting up for coffee sometime, then smile big and as soon as you and your friends are out of sight, do a celebratory dance!!!
No matter what the result – congratulations! You did it! Not so hard, right? And yes, it's definitely a little uncomfortable the first time (or maybe the first hundred times?), but practice is what builds confidence, and yes, makes perfect. You got this, dude!
Remember, most importantly of all, these two things: 1. Be respectful and make sure she feels safe and comfortable. And 2. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! So you looked like a big dork the first time. So what. Find another cute girl and give it another go. You're a big boy – you can handle it! ;D
I hope this helped! If you have any other questions, make sure to let me know in the comments. :)