PLEASE OPEN YOUR CANDY BAR BEFORE THE MOVIE. You know exactly what I'm talking about as if hearing your popcorn crunch in your mouth wasn't enough. It's always the same person throughout the entire movie constantly rustling their fingers through a bag of plastic to get one last Skittle. They're so immersed in the movie that they forget that plastic makes noise. Also, slurping that $6 small slushy is just as obnoxious as you think it is. You can hold on to your manners and still enjoy your movie.
2. Awkward Couple Making Out In Back Row
Just ew. There are hundreds of thousands of places to be intimate with your partner. However, for some reason, movie theaters seem to be a hotbed for this kind of activity. You always know who the couple is too because they don't scan the audience when they walk in or stop on their way to the top debating as to where they should sit. They go directly to the top preferably in the corner where the step safety lights seem not to reach. They wait patiently until the movie begins and then before you know it, they might as well be having full on sex. Please keep the thrill of making out with your significant other somewhere else.
They kick the seats. The bounce between chairs. They get scared and snuggle up to their mom. They laugh at all the wrong times. They drop their candy everywhere and talk the entire movie. They're kids. It's easy to say we were the perfect children in this kind of situation even though we know that we were in the same position once upon a time. However, bringing your child to a PG-13 movie or above is completely off limits. Kids get a free pass at G-rated movies, completely understandable. However, once children begin to infringe on teenager and adult viewing activity, there's an issue.
4. The Middle-Aged Lady Who Cries Next To You
Every sad movie always results with some middle-aged lady two seats down from you bawling over some minor upset in the movie. It begins with a slight tear completely unnoticeable but then grows into a full flowing waterfall. She keeps sniffling, you then see her make her move to find tissues in her purse, and she just sits there in complete misery. You feel awful and you can feel her rain cloud spreading to you. Pro tip, if you know you're at a chick-flic or sad movie, find the most masculine guy there and sit near him. One, you'll avoid tears. And two, if he starts crying, it's karma for going off of gender norms.
5. Movie Previews
God forbid you arrive to the movie on time. The movie previews are always at least 15-30 mins long. I feel like I need an intermission after them because they extend far longer than need be. It's genius marketing really regardless if I'm a fan or not. I will admit some movie previews are enticing and make me more inclined to go see a movie however most of the time you're watching a preview for a movie that won't debut for another year and a half. No thanks.
6. Irrational Fears (Yet So Rational)
Is. There. A. Shooter. Among. Us.
7. Bad Seats
You decided to go to the premiere which you knew was stupid but also extremely fun at the same time. You've waited in line to get a ticket for twenty minutes and you still arrive in the theater a half hour before they even begin previews. Yet, the theater is packed. Of course there's plenty of single seats scattered throughout but no one is kind enough to scoot down one. So you and your friends have to go to the front section which might as well be labeled as IMAX seats because you have to look up the entire time. Bad seats ruin movie theaters. You can't be too close but too far away. Railings are a gift from God. Also, don't steal my cupholder.
8. That random guy that screams right before something jumps out...
I HATE YOU.
9. People Who Talk
Is it really necessary to talk about what happened during your day while the movie is playing? NO. There's this really cool concept called going to dinner AND a movie, emphasizing on the dinner part here. Save conversations for everywhere outside of the four walls that make up the movie theater. Also, stop giving a play by play. You don't need to give your opinion or ask questions DURING the movie. You can do that all after; I promise it won't kill you.
10. Cell Phones
Putting your phone to the lowest brightness does not make you a secret ninja. Turn it off.