My room is a mess. I'm looking around it trying to picture the real, adult life that I'm trying to create for myself and it's just not happening.
I have this dram that one day my closet will be filled with designer shoes and perfectly tailored dresses. Eccentric and expensive items that are covetable for people around me and myself. I take pride in having things that I'm proud of, that might be because I don't have very many people in my life right now.
When we feel empty one way, we fill our lives in another. And when we start to accumulate "stuff", things can get messy.
I bought my first pair of major shoes yesterday online. Yes, it was a splurge, and no I didn't need them...but I wanted them, so I bought them.
They're an absolutely perfect pair of Manolo Blahnik sling-back pumps. A sensible 4 inch heel, tan and gray patterned. They are the perfect adult shoe. The perfect 600 dollar shoe. Maybe by having this shoe I'll become a more well-adjusted person.
As I type away my computer starts to overheat, possibly because there is a stack of half-crumpled drawings underneath it that I haven't had the energy to remove from my desk. It's a mess. Empty beer bottles and pens everywhere. Scribbled verses to songs on bar napkins and memo pads.
Designer makeup and un-capped pens are everywhere. Three MAC lipsticks, a cup of cold water and a planner that looks like it belongs to someone with a far more advanced social life than mine.
When I was a little girl I imagined my early 20's as a glamorous and selfish time, but I guess things change. Once reality hits your expectations things change.
When you leave college, have your first job and enter into something known as "adulthood" it's hard to figure out who you are , and who you want to be. Do I want to continue to be an agent of chaos for the rest of my life? Is that sustainable?
I can't even find my computer charger. There's not many things around, but the things that are here are inoccuous, useless. Things are messy.
Is my messy room the person I am? And if so...how can I get to the clean room-ed person I want to be?
I guess I have to take some action.
When you want everything to be Kate Spade, when its actually Kate Moss, you can find yourself at a crossroads. How do we become the sophisticated, adult people we've always admired?
Is life a journey to a clean and organized existence, or should the chaos lead us? Does a messy room equal a messy life?