2 years ago1,000+ Views
It's time for another Community Q! Many of you have been submitting questions via the Community Talk, which is awesome :) This one, however, comes from the anonymous survey I posted a while back!
The question asker wanted to know:

Q: Is it okay to go on dates with multiple people? Will it hurt the people I date if I see different people at the same time?

Excellent question! I have a couple of thoughts on the issue...

A: Dating multiple people is normal.

When you're looking for a longterm relationship, you might have to try on a few people to find the right fit. It's only natural.
I mean, that's what dating is; it's a trial run for the rest of your life. Does this person fit me? Are our communication styles compatible? Do they love me in the way I need to be loved? Can we laugh together, be quiet together, and spend long hours by each others' sides without exploding?
However, another side of dating is managing expectations (both yours and your partner's). In your mind, you might just be going on dates with someone, but in their mind, maybe they think you're in a committed and exclusive relationship.
How do you solve that kind of expectation mismatch? Easy: communication.
In short, seeing multiple people at once is totally fine – as long as everyone involved knows what's going on.
It varies from situation to situation, but when I was hooking up with multiple people in college, I generally went by the following rule: if you haven't discussed being exclusive, you're not.
Of course, different people have different expectations for relationships, so know what your partner is thinking before you start going on dates with other people – or somebody's probably going to get hurt.
This is my personal opinion: if you're going on dates here-and-there with people, I don't think there really is a need to tell any of those dates that you're going on several dates with other people. HOWEVER, if you're starting to date someone (going one several dates with one person, and it's becoming more than just a friendly date) then you should 1) be honest with that person you are seeing and let them know about the current situation 2) just date the one person you're really into. That's just my thing. Personally, I can't date more than one person if I've been seeing consistently on several dates and I am really digging them. I think it's dishonest.
Yeah I think communication is key here. If you've gone on a few dates with someone it's definitely time to have that discussion but until then I wouldn't have any expectations
Also, the exclusivity conversation is obviously important.
I agree with all of the above. I always say communication is key. I will admit, I'm very stingy when it comes to my feelings. So if I'm talking to other people, it's only to find the perfect match -- or not so perfect. I would def take it upon myself to have the exclusivity conversation, but last time I did that things fell apart for the worse.
Yeah, it's mostly a beginning of the relationship thing I think. If you're serious about a relationship with someone, you'll definitely want to stop seeing anyone else you've been hanging with and just focus on that one person. But in the beginning, or when you're still unsure whether they're "the one"... I don't think it's a bit problem.
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