christianmordi
2 years ago10,000+ Views
This Guy’s Letter To Subway Is The Most Thoughtful Complaint Ever
Nothing is worst than hitting one of your favorite restaurants and eating a meal that falls way below your expectations.
I guess this happens to people a lot, as Yelp is full of poor reviews on poorly made meals. This weekend a guy took a different approach in sharing his feelings on an unsatisfying meal, as he hopped on Facebook to deliver one of the funniest and passionate letters I've read in awhile.
I will let the letter be the guide for this post...
Hi Subway,
As a business you operate in over 100 countries, serve approximately 2.6 billion sandwiches worldwide and have up to 37 million sandwich combinations available. You’re the Tony Montana of Sandwiches, a brave voice shouting loudly in the darkness that something so humble as the sandwich can be a tasty and delicious meal. You know your game and you play to your strengths. If anyone, in this ever changing world, knows how to put things between bread it’s you chaps, you even call your staff artists. Tracy isn’t just a single mum from Croydon anymore, she’s an artist, a Picasso of the BMT.
So imagine my horror when I visited your Burden Park store in Bolton today to learn you had no bread. That’s right no bread. At first I thought “Ok it’s the late shift, Bant and Dec here are clearly having some light japery at my expense”. I liked that. Customer service with a personal touch. I have a picture of me as a baby as my profile picture and a face that says “I like a good cracker joke”. But alas this was no japery or tomfoolery, this was happening. Then my mind wandered to whether this was a training exercise, a simulation in customer service to learn how to deal with shocked customers. I mean what’s the most ridiculous thing a Subway artist can say to a customer? I would imagine “We have no bread”. But the Artists faces told me this was no simulation, this was real world. Apologies to the artists but I did exclaim “Is this some kind of sick joke?”. Their blank, mournful faces told me it wasn’t. An olive branch of a salad bowl was offered, I didn’t have the heart to take it. I was so disappointed I just couldn’t. My heart was set on a steak and bacon cheese melt, lettuce, onions, gherkins, jalapeños to spice up Friday mornings personal break and enough southwest sauce to maime a badger. If I had accepted it would have been like just getting a cuddle from a prostitute.
You sell 2.6 billion sandwiches a year and the one thing they all have in common is bread. It may be herby, it may be Italian but no matter what you can count on it being there. You broke a fat mans heart tonight and you didn’t even do it with extra cheese. I ate a microwave chilli from asda, it wasn’t great but all its components were there. You don’t allow pictures on your wall but I took a selfie of me eating the chilli so you could see the affect my lack of bread, delicious staple of life bread, has had on me. I contemplated having the artists pass me down the counter so I could graze at the individual components of my sandwich and finish in a joyful crescendo of them squirting southwest sauce in and around my mouth. That’s the only way I could imagine a breadless Subway could work. Without the sub you’re just Way, which whilst saving 50% on all printing and advertising shows great business acumen, it doesn’t deliver on a culinary level.
I didn’t eat fresh today. I ate microwave chilli. May that forever be on your conscience.
Breadless regards,
John X.

Isn't that one of the funniest notes you have ever read?

73 Like
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11 comments
I love these types of letters. When someone with a sense of humor and an excellent grasp of word play wants to complain about their woes - they do it splendidly. :D
2 years ago·Reply
Now I want a sandwich.
2 years ago·Reply
This is heavy, man. I feel like I should start an organization for breadless people. I'd call it: the I Need Some Dough Foundation.
2 years ago·Reply
This guy is amazing. His use of words to make the situation over dramatic is brilliant. This is exactly what I want in a letter of disappointment
2 years ago·Reply
This dude is an actual hero. I hope they send him a crapton of bread Also fun fact I used to work at a sandwich place and this happened to us once or twice. But our profit margin was really slim. I feel like that's not as much of an issue at Subway XD
2 years ago·Reply
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