AlloBaber
2 years ago10,000+ Views
A conversation I had earlier with @FelipeZambrano inspired me to open this question up to the Love & Relationship community at large! I wanted to hear what you guys think about this issue. :)
There's more than one way to do dating. Different people set different rules for themselves. Not only that, but the word can mean so many things! Does "dating" mean going steady with one person, going on dates with a handful of different potential suitors, seeing people casually, getting to know one person to see if they'd make a good lifelong partner...?
Depending on your definition, and your goal for dating, you'll probably have a different point of view on this question too: is it okay to date multiple people at once?
I personally think yes. You can see a couple people casually, as long as no one has the expectation that you're exclusive with them. It's a good way to efficiently get to know a bunch of people at once. When you live in a big city, you can go on dates with a couple different guys for a few weeks or even a month before you know whether he's someone you want to keep seeing – or get serious about.
I believe there's a period of getting to know someone before you're sure if you want to date them exclusively and seriously, with a future for you two in mind. And when you're young, that period might be longer. Or maybe you just want to date for fun! That's okay too. Keeping it light and non-committed is okay in that case. You just have to make sure, above all, that everyone's on the same page.
Which leads me to another question. When's the right time to tell someone you're not exclusive? Do you have to tell them from the very start that you're seeing other people, or is it something to mention later, like the third or fourth date?
I tend to broach the topic once I feel there's a need to define the relationship. I keep things casual, and assume the other person is too, until I feel invested in seriously pursuing a relationship with them. When it's time to have that conversation (you know, the dreaded DTR, or "Define The Relationship" conversation that @jordanhamilton's always writing about πŸ˜‰) – and in my opinion, it's very clear when that conversation needs to happen – you lay your cards out.
You say: A. Hey, I just want you to know, I'd like to keep things casual between us. I'm still seeing other people – is that okay with you? Or were you looking for something more?
B. Hey, I just want you to know, I really like you. I've stopped seeing other people, and I'd love to be exclusive with you.
Simple as that. This could happen on the third or fourth date, or it could happen three months into our canoodling. Whenever. Every relationship has its own tempo.
So what do you think? Do you agree?

What does "dating" mean to you? Is it okay to date more than one person at a time?

And if you are seeing multiple people, when do you tell them about it?

Let me know your thoughts! I'm really curious about what everyone will have to say. πŸ˜„
(And I hope that wasn't too many gifs for you, @AkashBhojraj! 😁 hehe)
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Truth be told if you were seeing someone but ya'll weren't exclusive just "dating" someone would still get butt hurt ya know? even tho you already know their probably seeing someone else some people flip out lol but I don't think that's fair I mean if you're dating just to test out the water & see if you find a possible boyfriend / girlfriend that's okay because it's your right to do so but if you start to catch feelings & want something more exclusive & you find out the other person is dating other people you'll get upset ofcourse right? even though you aren't exclusive lol that's where communication comes in as soon as you start to catch feelings talk to them & be like hey I think I want something more then just go from there ya know? this is a very good discussion lol especially since I have friends that go on multiple dates then they wanna be exclusive with one person but they're too scared to have that talk so they just try to drop hints or try to secretly see if they are dating someone else which is just a big mess but like yeah date a lot of people if you can but just be ready for that talk xD
Anonym
My feelings in general about dating more than one person are, until we have that talk about taking things seriously, don't stop by unexpected, and don't be shocked if you see me having brunch with some other woman. Until we have that talk, I have options, and you're one of them. Now a relationship, well that's a different story.
Never okay
Great card! I'm a firm believer that there's a difference between dating around and dating someone in hopes of becoming exclusive. That's where you draw the line when it comes to seeing other people. But you won't know if that's what you're necessarily working towards until you two communicate and figure out if that's the direction you'll be moving in.
Love is like a college search, if you don't see all the options, how can you pick the best school?
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