You're here because you want to talk to girls, but you have no idea how. Simple enough. And I'm here because I'm a girl, and quite frankly, I know how to talk to me.
I'd like to present my "SparkNotes guide," so to speak, for conversing with women.
(Oh, you thought quick & dirty meant...? No! Come on! Get your mind out of that gutter, son. I meant like fast and rough. Wait, that made it sound worse... Dammit. Okay, I'm just gonna stop trying to explain myself and move on to the tips.)
1. Women are people, just like you.
Girl, boy, other – it makes no difference. We're all people, and we have more in common than you maybe realize.
Maybe you're freaked out by the prospect of talking to a girl because you think of her as some alien creature. News flash, dude: she's got two thumbs and a pulse, just like this guy. And by this guy, I mean you.
2. Be friendly.
Hey, humans are social animals. It's normal for one person to walk up to another person, say hello, and strike up a conversation. What, you think you're the first person to ever muster up the courage to make an idiot of himself in front of a lady? Think again.
There's nothing wrong with just saying hi. Walk up to her, ask how her day is going, introduce yourself. She's not going to think you're a creep. She's going to think you're a nice guy.
3. Do the usual.
Wondering what to say? How about any one of the very normal things people say to each other all the time?
"Hey, did you do the homework for Wednesday? What'd you think?"
"Man, this rain just won't let up."
"Hi, how's it going? My name's Rob. I don't think we've met."
"Mind if I sit here? Thanks. Always nice to meet another (insert author of book's name here) fan."
"Oh man, I can't wait for Friday! This week has been so long. Doing anything fun this weekend?"
BOOM. It's that easy, my friend.
4. It's not weird.
It's not awkward unless you make it awkward. If you walk up to her and introduce yourself – that's not awkward. If you walk up to her, introduce yourself, say something lame, and walk away – still not awkward. Just another humanoid encounter.
If you walk up to her, tell her she looks like a murder victim you saw in the Post last week, ask if she's a ghost, and stare at her while she squirms uncomfortably, THEN it's awkward. But you're not gonna do that. So no sweat.
5. Just do it.
Exposing yourself to rejection is just about the biggest favor you can do yourself. Life hands you a lot of it, and you might as well get good and practiced. The heroes aren't the ones who never get rejected – they're the ones who get really, really good at picking themselves up, dusting themselves off, and trying again.
Acknowledge that you might fail, and that's okay. Take the chance anyway. Who knows; it might turn out to be the best idea you've ever had.
For more ideas on how to chat up the ladies, check out my Flirting Tips for Guys collection! And if you've got any questions, feel free to leave 'em below.