Warning: This contains a lot of triggering subjects, and for that reason, I’m rating it +18.This is based on the Run MV (but not connected to any theories) and their new album.
From the moment Hoseok found out about the disease, he knew nothing would be the same.For some reason, there was a difference on the way he saw things. His ruthlessness was still there, but somewhat dialed down, as the fear of shortening his time even more crept on. There was also something else though, a feeling he had whenever the wind hit his face, when he heard his friends’ laughs echo in the night, when she snuggled up to him at night. A new found appreciation for life. It was all so beautiful now that he realized he was about to lose it all.In that morning, when Y/N gave him a kiss in the cheek before leaving even though she thought he was sleeping, he wondered why he couldn’t have another chance.Jimin had gotten him some medicines that could slow down the thing on his brain, but the time was still so short… At any time, he’d be gone forever. She’d be alone. His friends would never understand why he hid it all – but he knew very well that it was the right thing to do. “It’s breaking, I can see the thing called the end. The dead leaves that are becoming shriveled, the silence inside your aloof heart.” - 고엽 – You’re a stupid asshole for what you’re doing, I hope you realize that. For some reason, Hoseok smiled at Jimin’s words. In that moment, they were on the rooftop of a random building, waiting until a party was over so they could drive their friends back home. None of them were in the mood for partying lately, so they had eventually slipped to a calmer place. Jimin had been have that kind of attitude for quite a while now, always bringing that subject up whenever no one else was around, making sure Hoseok knew he was strongly against his decision of not getting a proper treatment. But as the good friend he was, respected it nevertheless and didn’t tell anybody about the disease. Some days had already passed since the discovered it, and now his response to the other’s disappointment wasn’t anger anymore. Hoseok had come to realize it was what made Jimin such a good friend.– Is that thing destroying your brain already? Why the hell are you smiling? – Hoseok shrugged.– Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like I have much time left anyway, might as well enjoy what I have. – Jimin rolled his eyes, clearly even more angered. He didn’t understand it. Probably never would.– That’s your choice. It’s your choice to have little time. You could pay the treatment, and you know that, but you’re fucking choosing to die.God, how he wished it was that simple; maybe they’d find a way to pay, but at what cost? What would each of his friends have to give up for him to leave? What would she had to give up to make sure he came back home again? No, it was better like that. They both let a silence take place, knowing no words would change the other’s mind. Yes, they were both trapped in that situation. Unfortunately, there was nothing to be done.– You’ll protect her, right? – Hoseok said, suddenly, without looking at Jimin’s face. He heard a loud sigh though.– I told you before. I can’t promise you she’ll be safe after you die on us, but I’ll try not to let her get hurt. – They were looking down at the city now, admiring it from the rooftop. They both knew it was the last time they’d be seeing it like that. – She doesn’t deserve it.– What?– Losing you. Spending the rest of her life thinking she could have saved you if she had known. – Hoseok thought back to the times when she had sold herself to keep them both alive. She wouldn’t be responsible for that again.– Believe me, knowing would hurt her much more.“This sea is too deep; still, I’m lucky. Because even if I cry, no one would know.” - Whalien 52When he passed out for the second time, it was much worse; Hoseok’s nose started bleeding out of sudden, and then he was on the ground. He couldn’t remember much, except for crawling to a corner while his vision started to become even more blur so no one could see him. And then, hours later, he remembered waking up in the hospital, with a lot of things plugged on his skin. There was an oxygen mask on his face. That’s how he knew things were really bad. Weirdly, though, all he cared about was if any of them knew where he was. He heard voices next to the room, and soon he spotted a doctor coming in with someone.His vision wasn’t exactly fine yet, so it took him a while to realize it was Jimin. But he couldn’t focus… He couldn’t see through the darkness. For some reason, he thought of Y/N back home, waiting for him. Then he tried harder. He still had time, right? It wasn’t the end yet.– … but it’s moving fast. – He heard the doctor say. – I don’t know how long it’ll take until…– Until he’s dead. – Jimin finished. – For what I can see, probably not long.“Just one more time. I just need to come back home one more time.” He told himself. So he pushed himself to sit up; and he pushed himself to feel better. If he could hear her voice once more, have her in his arms, comfort her and tell her it’s okay – then he’d be fine.“I can’t live without you. Even if ‘m drying out, I try harder to reach you.” - RunIt took some days for him to get released from the hospital. When finally getting home, Hoseok saw Y/N breakdown completely; her trembling body reached to hold him close while tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry”, he wanted to tell her. “I’m sorry for doing this to you. I’m sorry that I’ll have to leave you. You’d understand if I could tell you. You’d do the same. So please, please move on when I’m no longer here. Please let me go.” Instead of saying it, though, all he did was hold her even closer. For the first time, he regretted meeting her in the first place; maybe if he had never pulled her into the crazy life he led, she wouldn’t have to suffer now.– I love you. – He said with the sweetest voice he could pull, trying to calm her down. – I’m sorry I took so long to get back home.– Where the hell were you? You have no idea how worried I was.– It doesn’t matter. But I’m back home, right? – He held in the tears on his eyes, reminding himself that there was no other way. He was choosing the right option. It was for the best. – I’ll always go back to you, don’t worry. – For a second, he couldn’t even convince himself that it was the right thing to let her lose him.Hoseok could tell she knew something was wrong. For some reason, though, she didn’t ask what it was. Maybe Y/N knew it was better not to know, maybe she thought it wasn’t that serious, maybe she just trusted him to tell whenever he felt like was the right time. He didn’t know what’d be worse: telling her a lie before leaving or just never coming back home. Whatever he decided, it’d be equally painful for both. He wished he just a little more time.“Why can I still not give up on you? I hold onto the withered memories. Is it greed?” - 고엽
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