2 years ago1,000+ Views
I've been doing a lot of thinking when it comes to dating, and relationships between a single person, and a married person. Yes of course the obvious idea is it is"Just Wrong" to have such an affair, but ppl actually partake in such doings. I was always the type of female that vowed to myself I'd never be a side-line chic, mistress or the other! The challenge comes with honesty. Some ppl will be upfront, or some are so good a lying and coviencing they aren't attached or single, you'd be fooled. I always see and hear stories, even have been cheated on 3 times myself, but wonder what goes on that makes a person step out the relationship. Yes I know its reasoning and I call them excuses. I see that all it takes is for COMMUNICATION to be key, and if you're an Adult, should be able to take any truth of the heart, even if it hurts, cause its just an emotion, it too shall pass. But when it comes to marriage, I completely don't understand. Ppl find the love of their life, wed, have children, and love one another, at my age I'd love to be married and settled down with my soul mate. So I ask, why after all that, would they mess up a good thing. That brings me to my next inquiry, if the love has fade, honeymooning is over, you all just don't click, but have made an effort to fix it, and nothing works. WHY NOT GET A DIVORCE!?!?!... I'm just saying, come on now! really. Especially if the discussion of one is mutual! There is a thing called co-parenting for the children, and its not always a need for battle when it comes to a divorce. Now, you have unworthy men and woman, that get caught and wonder why there is a battle with a divorce, well because you hurt them, best believe someone is suffering. Point blank. On another note, say its you, you know your the sideline, a FWB, and don't mind it, I think your murals and worthiness of yourself needs to be reevaluated. It show kinda that your desperateness, and lack of control. You know its seems to me, that will be a underline trend that'll go one for centuries. Its just part of life and lessons, between men and woman, go back to Adam & Eve, that were meant to do one thing, multiple and build their harvest. And a result of going out of their union, Shit got real and messed it up for the next... Just a quick metaphor. Leave comments below, let's discuss this Vingle...
Wow, sorry to drop in so late. I'm enjoying reading all the comments too. you all are awesome and thanks for sharing your opinions! @2Distracted @mscocoasupreme :) you two are awesome
@mscocoasupreme I appreciate you sharing that painful time with me. He was really stupid to let you go! I bet at some point he regretted allowing his pride to destroy something good!I hope I did not offend you with my comment on fractured kids! Your situation was out of your control and you obviously were in the right mindset of someone committed for the long haul. Sadly it sounds like his pride& insecurities got in the way. I'm so sorry you had to see him with the other female. That would have been definitely traumatic for me. I'm so impressed with the way you put a period and moved on taking care of yourself and your child. I wish I would've had that level of confidence and self respect in my late 20s and before! So many woman in that exact situation continue on in the relationship even knowing they were cheated on. You sound wise beyond your years. I tell my girlfriends to pay attention to those red flags (although all my closest girlfriends already know if they start dating someone ill be doing the background check and I'm extremely thurough LOL). I had A LOT of guys cheat on me when I was way younger and noticed a common trend they all did. I was and am extremely loyal and faithful girlfriend and never gave them any reason not to trust me and like 6 mos in out of nowhere I'm getting accused of cheating and they become paranoid about whr I'm at&who I'm with. It always turned out that they were the ones cheating and their own guilty conscious would start getting to them cuz they were doing wrong so they'd get paranoid and start accusing me. I see this a lot too. That was my first lesson on how people can and do project onto others what they are actually guilty of. Big red flag not to ignore if you've given no reason and all sudden your being accused of something in a relationship! Sorry I went off on a rant! I truly hope that you will not stay in your hiatus for long cuz there are good ones out there! I finally found one. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and it is true. You seem to be a very independent, confident, self sufficient, intelligent woman that has so much to offer someone. You also now have the wisdom of this experience to help you. But there is a lot to be said for the example your setting for your child that a woman can make it without a man just fine! As a side note you could always send me the name &basic identification info as well and I'll get to snooping him out for you! LOL!!!!
@2Distracted , I definitely see that, as I did mention cause what you and just written, but you more on the love spiral, honesty should be placed in at that exact moment, that's why I said reasoning and more of an excuse! I just found the love of my life in 2013, we said we was going to do all the things a family consist of, house, jobs, cars, picked frence, children and a dog! (fairy tale shit)...& we was half way there. The sad truth is he gave red flags, I questioned and answered, gave me the "you have nothing to worry about" scenario, over and over, cause I'm one to not easily let stuff slide. so let's say the following year December 10th I found out that I was pregnant and he was elated I was extremely late it because I said by the time I was 30 I was going to have my first child and I was. Everything was good to go I had my job is a sous chef making a hell of a Salary he had his job as a cook but wasn't making a Salary and I never nag him about getting another job or bringing in more money or anything to make him feel like he was less of a man. but intern that's how he actually felt it became a competitive streak between me and him when I just saw it as a ride or die situation and that I would always have his back he seen it as he couldn't provide for me I was too strong willed and what did he really do for me and was always insecure and thinking I was going to find someone better. So 3 months into my pregnancy a lot of things started changing with him and I have a question him about it he didn't pay it any mind and he really just shut down every time I offered any type of help 7 months down the line in my pregnancy and now my second trimester and showing he completely shut down on me and it was on Mother's Day when I asked him about going to see his mother. He said he was going to see his mom. To go see her come to find out he has a female worker at the casino that he was that I followed him all the way to where he was and seen him hugged up and kissed on a female. that was so traumatic for me the worst day of my life and don't think I didn't do anything I hopped out that car so fast and I gave her one piece that she knocked out and was laid out package it up and threw it out the door and it was that. so I've been on a hiatus ever since not dating or seeing anyone just dealing with me and my daughter and building a life without him and without another to come and ruin myself work that I've done since that incident. lol, I just gave you an eyeful to read, you started it with the I love you, not in love with you, as my ex put it.
@SaulCaraballo, you think so huh, well I have a question, are the females you interact with mature enough to intellectual conversations, or over the age of 25, because woman are more prone to combatting decisive thoughts and doing when it comes to situations like this, its just the weak and unorderly females that give in to such mess. Believe me, a woman with priorities and a stable life can set good morals and standards, which includes me, but it was a point in my life where I didn't care, young, unstable, making poor decisions and dated any old guy, regardless of his title to another or me... there are still good ones and bass ones, right now I'm a sleeper, getting done what needs to be done while finding myself and way again.
Nicely written!!! I also think too many people make too many decisions based on their feelings. So many times I've seen couples start having communication breakdown for one reason or another which down spirals into the famous "I'm just not in love with you anymore" or "I love you but I'm not in love with you". So based on that they divorce and if there are kids involved they are left fractured. Personally I feel when you make that hugely important decision to marry someone you go all in and be realistic. Marriage is hard work and sometimes it's about choice. Choosing to stick it out and find a way (except for cases of abuse) I'm not going always feel like I love someone but if I on committed then at those times I have to choose love them and choose to fight for it.
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