Super Bowl 50 is over, but the buzz surrounding the outcome is far from it. People have been criticizing Cam Newton for walking out of press conferences, and head coach Ron Rivera for calling a terrible game. Regardless, my grumpy dad came out of the woodwork this morning with some thoughts on the matter.
Let's give him a warm welcome back!
And remember, this is satire people, take it with a laugh!
Charlotte TV stations missed a big scoop yesterday when Panthers' head coach Ron Rivera and quarterback Cam Newton checked into a local hospital together.
Both needed surgery. Rivera had a stick extracted from his ass. Apparently, it caused him to call for first-down handoffs up the middle 12 times, resulting in three total yards and a dozen second-and-long situations that allowed the Broncos' pass rushers to tee off.
Newton underwent delicate surgery to remove his hands from his troat, a condition that occurred just after kickoff. It is nearly impossible to complete passes and avoid fumbling while this affliction exists -- and doctors say there is no guarantee that it won't return.
Rivera's prognosis is much better. Doctors say despite the fact that he's a dumb football jock attempting to use a startlingly small brain to deal with complex matters, he has an excellent chance of being too dumb to remember his horrible game plan and implement it next season, should the Panthers repeat as NFC champs. In fact, doctors say Rivera has an even money chance of accidentally becoming creative enough to win the game -- as long as he keeps his ass stick free.
What did you all think of the outcome of the Super Bowl? Who were you rooting for?