The cooling effect of the tempered glass against your forehead is refreshing and helps ease the tension in your emotion-wrought mind. You wish for rain. It would fit your mood perfectly, accentuate it, give you a reason to continue in your depressive stupor. But you live in Los Angles and rain is scare. Instead, you peer out the bedroom window through tear-crusted eyes and listen as the birds chirp their sweet melody from the backyard trees .
The sudden buzzing of your phone draws your attention to an incoming text message. For a moment, you allow yourself to dare to hope. You move slowly from the window seat, wiping the half-dried tears from your cheeks before picking your phone up off the bed.
Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.
You throw the phone back on the bed. Might as well fix yourself up and head downstairs. You've missed enough meals and shed enough tears over these two idiots.
Your hand slides over the curved, mahogany banister of the grand staircase. This place is starting to feel more like a museum and less like a home. It's too big. It used to be this awesome, grand house where you hosted parties for your famous friends; but now it seems foolish to lavish in such a large property. The cozy BIGBANG dorm calls to you now and the nights curled up in Youngbae's muscular arms as TOP quietly snored away.
Why? Why does your mind always go back to him? He doesn't want you. Don't you get that? He doesn't want you.
"Did you rest well?" Eu Jin asks with her melodious voice as she ladles stew into three dishes.
"The sleeping part was great actually. It's the waking up part I'm not a fan of." You voice is nasally as your nose is stuffed from all the crying. You sit down as Stef pushes a bowl in front of you. It's a quiet meal for the three of you, but it's a welcome one. You finish the last spoonfuls of broth just as your phone rings.
A smile creeps slowly over your face as you see the name on the caller ID. It's Youngbae. You've been in contact with him since your return home, but you haven't heard his voice in several days.
"Ah, hello. How are you?"
"As good as can be expected, I suppose." You're trying desperately to sound normal on the phone.
"You're not undatable." With that, you find you're suddenly you're wishing this was a video call so you could glare at him. "I saw the interview."
"Already? I just did that this morning."
"It's online. TMZ has it up."
"Are you stalking me, Oppa?" There's a pause on the other end.
"That sounds weird. You haven't called me Oppa in months." His voice has changed. It's more softer and a little somber.
"There are a lot of things I can't call you anymore. Oppa seems like the most appropriate option now."
"I guess... but I don't think I like it. Not anymore. Not coming from you."
"Then what would you prefer I call you?" There is another pause.
"I don't know... I can't think of anything... Just call me Oppa, I guess."
"I can just call you Youngbae." You offer.
"No. Oppa is fine. I'll get used to it again." He sounds defeated.
"Ok... Oppa it is." With that the third pause in the conversation sets in. Only this time, it lingers a little too long and turns uncomfortable.
"Have you heard anything from Jiyong?" Youngbae asks, breaking the silent tension.
"No. Nothing." Just hearing his name is exhausting to you.
"Oh. He said he was gonna call you."
"Really?" Your tone was approaching sarcasm with a hint of bitter. "Well, he hasn't. No calls. No texts."
"I'm sorry Y/N. He's been working a lot... writing a lot and spending long hours in the studio. I guess it slipped his mind."
"Youngba- Oppa, we both know it didn't slip his mind. You don't kiss someone like that and then forget about them." He'd seen the kiss from the kitchen window. Apparently they all had. Youngbae called you after you arrived in LA and told you. He said the four of them had huddled around the window, watching the entire spectacle unfold. He swore to you that he was okay with it. After all, it's what he wanted, right?
"I'll talk to him."
"You said that the last time we talked. ... and the time before that."
"I know. And I did talk to him..."
"He said he'd call you."
"Uh huh." You're annoyed and you're sure your voice is proof of that. This time the uneasy silence is initiated by you. "Still think I should be with him instead of you?"
"Yes I do." The way he said it was brimming with confidence.
"Because you answer my texts and return my calls."
"I know Y/N, I know. He's being stupid... Just give him a chance." Again, you wish he could feel the heat and scorn of your glare.
"How many chances am I supposed to give him?" You pause, giving Youngbae a chance to respond, but he doesn't. "Honestly, I'm starting to think he doesn't want me as a friend anymore."
"That's not true. He values your friendship."
"Did he tell you that?"
"Well... not in so many words. But I can tell. I've known him for a very long time. Just trust me. Once he gets his head together, he'll call you." You sigh, not wanting to talk about it anymore. It's clear Youngbae will only defend Jiyong to you and you're tired of hearing it.
"I miss you."
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