Genre: Angst (Mature Content Warning) MAFIA!YOONGI+BTS
Members: Yoongi/ Suga; Reader (You); Jimin; Jungkook; Jin; JHope; Rap Monster; Taehyung
Part: 43/? Character Profiles | Video
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Summary:He had a goal and you were just one more person to crush to get to it.
You felt hollow.
Something deep within you ached; a longing feeling tugging at your lungs each time you breathed. You weren’t too sure where this feeling came from. There were so many possibilities. Yoongi was pulled from you again; your last glimpse of him was as he was dragged away from you. Your heart ached for him, missing the soft rasp of his voice when he spoke to you or the cool touch of his hands. Jimin was gone and your entire body ached at the thought of him. He should be alive; he should have lived. Jin, you couldn’t even remember your last encounter with your brother and it made you sick to your stomach.
The tiny life that you had been trying to cultivate was gone too. Yoongi never knew, no one knew and you had no way to share your pain. They wouldn’t understand; you were alone. So you just laid there, drenched in the greenish hue of the fluorescent hospital lights. Scratchy white sheets, pulled up over your shoulders, you could only stare at the empty guest chair beside your bed and blink. You felt like someone should be there. Yoongi should be there. Jin should have been there.
Maybe even Jimin. He would’ve have understood your pain perfectly. He always had.
Jeon had been there though.
He wasn’t Yoongi or Jimin or Jin, but he was there; wide eyes flashing over your blank stare. His lips softly promising that he’d be there and he’d keep you safe. His hands gently massaged your arm. He wasn’t them, but he was there and he tried and you weren’t sure how to feel about that. Jungkook had hurt you so many times, and Jimin was so right about him. But when you needed someone he was always there. Even when he wasn’t who you wanted, he was there, softly reminding you that he’d always protect you. Jungkook always found you when it seemed that everyone else had forgotten about you.
He never forgot you and he never stopped looking for you.
It seemed like your own brother had forgotten you countless times but he was dead now, you couldn’t be angry with him. Jin had warned you about Jungkook, to the point of threatening his life. ‘He’s going to hurt you, stay away from him’, he had told you. So for a moment, you hated Jeon only because Jin had.
Yoongi was sparse, and when you thought of him all you could think of was how gentle he had been in The Room. You couldn’t be angry with him either. He had never really outright spoken about Jungkook, but there was always a pinch to his expression whenever Jeon was mentioned. And you noticed that you had started to adopt that expression as well when Jungkook’s name was spoken.
Jimin. He was dead. You couldn’t be angry with a dead man. He had wanted to hurt you only to hurt Jungkook. He had wormed and weaseled his emotions onto you until you felt them too. ‘Jungkook will take and take and take away’, he had promised you and he was right. Jungkook had taken so much, but he had given out even more. But just like Jin and Yoongi, you had followed right after Jimin and turned your hatred onto Jungkook.
It had brought tears to your eyes, thinking of how much these men hated Jungkook and how easily you adopted their opinions despite knowing a side to him that no one else knew. They were the ones who had left you behind and forgotten you, but you held them up like saints. They were never there, but they were perfect to you.
Jungkook was always there and yet he was the cruel one.
Jungkook never forgot you.
He protected you.
Jungkook had even cried in front of you, softly pleading for you to forgive him for his actions on the rooftop. He had had nightmares of it since then and was genuinely afraid that you hated him. Jungkook had even gone to far as to refrain from touching you the moment you showed some sort of discomfort. You had said you were afraid of him, but now he acted as if he was afraid of you.
It took you a moment to calm him down enough to ask why and all he had said was, “I have this feeling that you don’t want me a-and I don’t know what to do, Y/N.” He had furiously rubbed at his tears, unable to even look at you, “I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to hurt you. I’m scared to touch you, I’m scared to talk to you, I want to be with you, but I keep screwing up. I just want you to want to be with me and last time I tried to show you this was on the rooftop and I fucked up so bad.”
He knew his actions were wrong, but he couldn’t fathom how you could trust people like Yoongi and Jimin so much. They had only hurt you and you still ran to them. “I love you,” He had wept,”I love you, not them. Me. They don’t care about you like I do.” And despite automatically thinking of how Yoongi had held you close, you knew Jungkook was right. Yoongi’s only explanation of his feelings for you had been that he ‘felt something for you, but he was unsure of what that feeling even was’ and he missed you - but even then he had only listed instances of physical contact.
Yoongi liked to touch you.
He liked the feeling touching you gave him.
Even in the Room, as you two had gotten closer he only asked you your thoughts on things other than himself. He never wanted to know how you felt about him and he never told you how he felt about you. He touched you often though; his warm hands skimming up your thigh or running down your back. Even when you two were only talking, he touched you; fingers tracing over your skin, shoulder bumping lightly against yours when you brushed his hands aside.
When you two had sex he held you tight, but never spoke. His dark eyes were always trained on your face as he studied you beneath him. His stare was intense enough to have you shutting your eyes and turning your head into the pillows and whenever you’d take a quick moment to glance at him he was still staring. You had tried to say something to him once- you tried to ask him how he felt about you- but he didn’t respond. He only tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing slightly as he deliberately rolled his hips against you, cutting your words short. You had heard him chuckle softly and it made you feel odd; it was the only sound other than a breathy pant or a deep grunt he had ever made.
It was enough to push against him, murmuring for him to stop. So he did. He sat back on his calves and he silently watched you scramble to collect yourself. His gaze shamelessly swept over you, hand slowly reaching out to brush along your thigh as he watched your face darken in embarrassment. While he had made you feel uncomfortable for a moment he was soon after pulling you close; jaw loosening as he asked you if you were alright. So you figured that that was just how Yoongi was. Since then you had never tried to talk to him during sex and he never tried to talk to you.
He liked to watch you and he liked to touch you. He liked the feeling touching you gave him.
Yoongi had never said he loved you.
Since Jungkook had confessed he loved you, even though you two had never been intimate, it seemed every time he saw you he was repeating it. He never forgot you and it seemed you were always on his mind. Still you took on whatever emotions others had towards him. You had never fully developed your thoughts and feelings on Jungkook. You’d never forget him and you’d make sure he knew this. You would get to know the real Jungkook- just like you got to know the real Jin and Yoongi and Jimin- and you’d never let anyone else influence how you felt for him.
You weren’t going to wait until he was dead to think highly of him.
Doctors and nurses passed, taking vitals, administering medications, patting your head, whispering soothing words. But they were strangers; they didn’t really care, you were just a another patient. Jeon was there, firm hands helping you sit up when it was time to eat. His steady voice softly requesting that you’d eat,” Just one more bite” until the plate was clear. He was there when you woke up in the middle of the night too; his body shifting uncomfortably in the small plastic chair, face tight in some troubling dream. He awoke a few hours later with a groan, bones cracking as he sat up to check on you and ask how you felt.
And you wondered why you had hated someone so selfless like Jeon. He was delving into feelings and actions that were foreign to him and he was trying to do it right. He only smiled softly when you had started to cry, gently smoothing your hair and remarking how you’d get better with time and that he’d be right beside you. He didn’t know that you were crying because you had come to despise him without proper grounding and you regretted so. A new doctor had walked in, eyes softening at the scene. Taking the clipboard from the door he had skimmed through it, face sombering. Jeon’s hand stilled in your hair, his brows furrowing at the doctor’s words,
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
He had looked at the man tensely, “What loss?” You felt that aching feeling building up and Jungkook’s hand had dropped. He was going to find out and you weren’t ready to see Jeon so hurt again. He had finally smiled, couldn’t he have a few more moments of happiness?
“Your child.” The doctor added on, setting the clipboard back in it’s slot. Jungkook had sat back in his seat, eyes cutting to you. He stiffly processed the new information; letting it all sink in. Blinking rapidly, he had started to shake his head in disbelief.
It wasn’t his child you had lost. So it could only be that other man’s.
He suddenly stood up, chair falling back and clattering loudly on the floor. Veins bulging as he cursed Min Yoongi’s name, Jungkook questioned you as to why you never told him. Your pulse raced, multiple machines started to beep frantically. He stepped away from you and he cried for not being able to protect you. The doctor had called for security and Jungkook had fought with the guards, insisting that he wasn’t leaving you alone especially now that he knew the reason you were admitted to the hospital. He shouted and he cried and he fought until he was escorted out.
And he hadn’t come back.
The doctors and nurses returned shortly after he had gone, prodding and soothing. It was what they did. ‘He was inhibiting your recovery’, they claimed, ‘Now that he’s gone you’ll feel much better’.
But you still felt hollow.
CREDIT TO SUGA-OF-DAEGU