Its the cardinal rule, and I broke it. But don't judge to quickly; I was young and naive, having never done anything but a few shy kisses and here you were, right down the hall and so unlike anyone I ever met before.
Im not going to say he tricked me, because that would be a lie. Although he did spin a rather beautiful web of phrases that melted my logic away.
"You're my best friend here" was the one that did it. Stripped away everything and left me bare. I thought you liked me.
And then I noticed the all too perfect word choice snuggled in between friend and a kiss that left me burning. "Here", because I knew about her there, you never kept her a secret but I didn't think that she was still in your mind. Not that much.
And then we ended it before she visited, clean and easy, I wasn't too far in, but when you ended up in my bed, drunk and crying that night I thought that was when things changed. I didn't know it was because you found out she found someone else.
I think about that someone else from time to time, we could have been great friends. Both of you using us to get over the distance that college put in-between you.
You would think the nail on the coffin would be when you lent me your old phone because I broke mine. I was drunk an crying about you. You didn't even bother to delete your texts, her name and baby brightly hitting my face like a punch.
I didn't delete those texts either. Baby driving me to the bottle, because thats how all 18 year olds handle a shattered heart.
So no, you didn't trick me. I fell in love with you when I knew you could never be mine.
Even after you were brazen enough to still text me, months and months after you officially got back with her. You told me you loved me once, that you stayed with her because you had to. You told me you loved me.
And even though it was a year too late, months after I stopped passing your window and didn't bother to glance up; I glanced up that day.
Because I knew that I would always love you in a way a girl always remembers her first love; and I will always remember that you would always, always choose her.