this is a lot of words ^-^ 3000+ words.. have fun with your life! I copy and pasted an old story I wrote.. my fetus days.. - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - Sometimes you suffer so much pain that you cant feel anymore. Sometimes people betray you so much that you cant trust anymore. I stood there as my hair fluttered in the breeze. It sure it cold today I thought to myself. I put my hands in my coat pocket and a tear coursed down my right cheek. In my pocket was My wallet, a photograph of my family, my phone, wrapper of my favorate snack and... my suicide note. I looked below me as the tip of my feet felt the thin air. All my life I was called a wuss because of my fear of many things, including heights. Well today I face one of my fears. I trembled as I gripped on to the 3 foot fence behind me. I was easily able to go over it. Damn... I must have been at least 50 feet high on an old building that went down to an alley way. I hesitated for a moment. My heart wouldn't stop beating and I couldn't stop trembling. More tears ran down my cheek. I just wanted to yell. So I did off the top of my lungs around 11pm on an empty street. My eyes blurred because of the tears and I began to loose my grip. I was ready, I had made up my mind. Mom, I won't blame you I know it wasn't your fault you couldn't help it. I'm a failier at everything ilve ever tried. I hope you live happily without me to bother you. And just like that I- "STOP!" huh? What is this someone... someone is grabbing on to my arm. I slowly looked behind me and saw a boy about my age. He had light brown hair and hazel eyes. He gripped on to my coat then he pulled my arm towards him and pulled me over the fence to the rooftop. I fell on top of him and landed on my knees. I quickly got up from on top of him. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Leave me alone so I can kill myself? Turn around and let me fall of the edge of this roof? All I did was stare at him, and out of nowhere tears began to form in my eyes. I cried louder than I ever did before. I never yelled when I cried, I cried alone silently to avoid attention. For some reason all the agony was leaving through my screams and tears. The strange boy got up from off the ground and hugged me. My eyes widened. Why is he hugging me I barely knew him. Still... he felt warm, I haven't had a hug in ages. I closed my eyes and for some reason began to yell louder. I trembled in fear, pain, depression, and agony. He just held me in his arms "it's okay" he said "it's gonna be okay" those words angered me. Okay? It's never okay. I'm not OKAY! I pushed him away from me as fast as I could "how did you know I was up here?" I said to him. He just smiled at me. A warm sunshine smile even though it was dark in the middle of october "I heard your scream while passing by the building and I saw you on the edge of the building, I thought you where about to jump so I ran up the stairs as fast as I could" he replied "my name is Austin" he said holding out his hand. I ignored his hand and backed up away from him "leave." I said to him. He took one step closer and I took one step back "just leave me alone, you don't know me, or what I've been through just let me-" I couldn't say it. I couldn't say it out loud. Kill my self? The thought of the pain when I hit the ground brang chills to the back of my neck. I looked down and didn't say anything "no you arent. But that doesn't mean you can't be. Everything problem has a solution" he said "don't take the easy way out. You where born for a reason, and saying you don't amount to anything is bullshit" I stared at his face. He looked like a middle-class boy with a loving family. He was nice, and handsome so he probably was popular with alot of friends. He didn't apear dumb to me he probably got average grades. How can he possibly know what I'm going through? I turned completely away from him and stared down 50 feet below me. I sighed with a tremble in my voice and Sat on the ground. He sat next to me and said "what's your name?" "Jonah" I responded with my eyes sore from crying. He moved in closer "it always feels good to talk about it, take it from me" "What would you know?!" I said to him raising me voice. He just smiled and stared up at the sky "I may not look it but I wasn't always this happy, or this fond of human life" he said calmly. "Well humanity Can parish for all I care" I answered "why is that?" He asked "well first off every time something happens that is clearly your cause we tend to blame it on someone or something else to feel better about ourselves, and why do humans think we're so better than every other creature? We have the ordacity to call other animals monsters but yet we slaughter them and take them away from their family with no remorse whatsoever!" I went on and on. It was a topic I was good at, why the human race is a failier. Austin just laughed "how about i take you home?" He asked smiling staring into my eyes. He's eyes where sparking in the moonlight I couldn't help but blush. I rolled my eyes and turned my face away from him "I don't wanna go home" I said to him "just leave me." Austin got up and cleaned the dust off his pants then he held out his hand "you can stay at my place tonight" he said. I barely knew him. Although I think I've seen him in my high school before. I freaked out "you pervert! No way am I sleeping with you!" I yelled backing away from him. He chuckled "my parents are home, so are my siblings, and I have a guest bedroom" he explained "how old are you?" I asked him. I knew he probably went to my high school though I didn't know what grade he was in, "I'm seventeen, I'm in my senior year, you?" He asked me "same" I responded avoiding eye contact. Then... I took his hand. It was too late to end it. He looked like he wasn't gonna leave me alone, and I didn't want to go home. Austin's Home? He walked me two blocks and I stayed one foot away from him looking down to the ground as I walked. Was I really doing this? Why am I still alive. Am I that desperate? What if he's lying, what if he's a rapist! He got to the door of his house and took out his keys to open the door. Should I make a run for it? While he was opening it I slowly backed away. And when I got to the bottom of the stair case I was about to run away. Although when he opened the door his mother and two kid sisters greeted him. I guess he isn't a bad guy. I stepped up one stair. "Oh hey mom this my friend Jonah, can she stay over in the guest room for tonight?" He finished "is she your girlfriend?!" One of his kid sister asked. She looked to be around the age of 13 or 14. He chuckled "no she's just a friend, and she need somewhere to stay" his mother smiled and opened the door wider "come in sweet heart I'll make some tea" she said. I went up the steps and came inside without saying a word. Austin came in and shut the door behind me "that's Sanae she's 14, and the other one is Layah she's 4" he said pointing at his kid sister. I smiled at them "nice to meet you" I said. No matter the pain I suffer, no one ever knew because I covered it with a smile. Austin was the first person to see me cry, and the first person to see my true emotions. I took off my light pink coat and hung it on a coat hanger. Austin grabbed my hand "come this way" he said leading me to a door. He opened the white wooden door and inside was a bedroom. A medium sized room with a full sized bed and empty, unused "this is the guest bedroom where you'll be staying" he told me. This room was bigger than my own, even the bed was bigger than mine I only had a twin bed. He had a big house and a very kind family. I actually though he empathized with me. I was wrong, there is no way anyone can be deppressed living like this. "I can't stay here" I told him feeling angered. He looked at me perplexed "why not?" He asked. I looked down and put my hands behind my back, I didn't know why, for some reason I felt betrayed. I guess it wasn't easy for me to trust others. His mother came over "I started the bath for you honey, it's cold out a nice hot bath would do it" she said with a kind smile. I looked at Austin then at his mother. I had no place to go. "Sure" I responded apathetically putting on a fake smile. I looked up at him with a stink eye and sucked my teeth a him "tch!" I went in the guestroom and locked him out. I sat on the rug of the room and glazed at the light. In a moment like this I'd feel an ache in my heart, when holding back my tears, but for some reason I didn't feel like crying. I guess I let it all out on the rooftop. Austin's mother pulled him to the living room when she saw I wasn't in sight "what's this all about you never bring a girl home" she whispered to him. Austin looked down of the floor " it's compicated" he responded "what do you mean it's complicated is she your girlfriend?" She asked "No!" "Are you messing around with her?" "No! Mom I didn't even know her before today!" "What, what do you mean you don't know her, who is she?" Austin pulled his hand out of his mothers grasp "she's in a dark place right now, I'm just trying to help her, she's my age" he said calmly waiting for his mother's approval. His mother only starred at him "what If she's homeless, or a druggie?!" She asked. Austin shook his head "she said she didn't want to go home, and I don't think she's a drug addict" he responded. He had complete confidence in me without even knowing me. Almost made me feel like I couldnt let him down. His mother sighed "keep a close eye on her" she finally said, then left to the kitchen. Austin smiled and nodded. His sister Sanae knocked on my door and kindly told me the bath was ready. I opened the door casually and smiled back. She handed me a towel and a sleeping gown with an unused toothbrush "I got this gown as a gift but it's too big for me, it might fit you" she said. I grabbed the towel and the sleeping gown "thank you for your generosity" I responded soflty. Then made my way to the bathroom. Before I can close the door Austin grabbed me with a fierce look in his eyes. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear "don't you dare die in this house you here me?" He said in a threatening voice "I was kind enough to let you in my home, so be kind enough not to ruin my family, I don't want my little sisters finding a dead body in the bathtub" Layah whistled in the distance "Hey get a room!" She said laughing. I see how someone can get the wrong idea when a guy grabs you and whispers in your ear, but I didn't get the wrong idea he was being very clear. It almost scared me, he was serious. Then he let go and smiled at me "I just came to give you a bar of soap" he said aloud passing it to me. I tried not to act spook but he heard the tremble in my voice "t-thanks" I responded. I haven't had a bath in a while, it's been all showers lately. A nice hot bath would be relaxing, it would calm me down. I got in the bath and closed my eyes. Although as soon as they where closed the memories came flooding back. I opened then quickly and caught my breath. Then I looked at my hands in the water, they were stiff. I leaned back and dipped my head in the water. Then remained with half of my face in the water. I slowly sinked deeper and deeper in until my entire head was with water. I relaxed in the bathtub and let my breath go. I didn't struggle even though I wasn't breathing. But thoses striking words came back to me "don't you dare die in this house..." I came back up quickly and caught my breath. I was being selfish. After all that family has done for me I would just be disrespectful by doing so. I got out of the tub thinking that if I stayed in there any longer I would actually do it. Wrong House I dried myself off and put on the gown that was a size bigger than me. How big did they think Sanae was anyway? I drained the tub and mopped the parts of the floor that had water. I was trying to be as imperceptible as possible. I left the bathtub and immediately locked myself in the guestroom. I hung the used towel up to dry and neatly folded my clothes by the bedside table. Then I heard a knock on the door "the tea is ready" Sanae said. I honestly didn't like tea, I was more of a coffee person, and I didn't want to leave the room for the night. I still felt like I needed to go out there and drink the tea without a complaint. I felt like it would be rude to tell her I didn't like tea after she went through the trouble of making it. I left the room and went to the kitchen where she handed me a cup of tea and pointed to where the sugar was. I thanked her and drank the tea in the breakfast table with everyone. Austin was just sitting without drinking any "why aren't you drinking any?" I asked him softly swallowing the bitter sweet taste of the hot tea. He didn't say a word to me. I wondered if it was because he didn't hear me, I did say it softly after all. Though just as I opened my mouth to repeat myself Sanae interrupted me answering my question "he's not much of a tea person" she said. I looked down at my cup embarrassed. I just gave a half smile and took another sip "so how do you two know eachother?" Sanae asked. Austin's Mother grinned at Sanae as if that question was forbidden. Austin and I looked at eachother wondering how to answer. After all he couldn't tell his fourteen year old sister he met me today when I was trying to jump off a 50ft high building. I took another sip of my tea "we um, go to the same school" I responded. I wasn't being dishonest after all. Although Austin looked surprised, I didn't blame him for not knowing who I was, we had no classes together and I was imperceptible. Austin nodded "yeah I bumped into her... and-" "And he apologized, then we started talking... basically, how everyone makes friends" I said cutting him off. Sanae nodded "it's just, you two seem like two completely different people" she said. Austin's mother hit Sanah's hand "that's rude!" She said "don't judge people based on their appearance" "Yeah, I can see why, I'm so average looking compared to her" Austin said smirking. Was that a compliment? "You don't need to lie" I said with a half smile. "I'm not talking about appearance, I mean behavior too" Sanae added "she seems kinda... I don't know quiet, and like an introvert.. and well brother is the complete opposite" no one said a word. I too was speechless. I got up and washed the empty tea cup "thank you for you generousity" I said to her mother and left as fast as I could. I haven't had an event like that in years. Where I sit in a table filled with people, discussing a topic. Except I wasn't apart of the family. I was only intruding. This time I locked the door and turned off the lights, and I wouldn't open it again even if they knocked. I layed on the empty but soft bed. Then I heard a knock. I was tempted not to open it. What was this the fourth time someone knocks on the door? I stayed laying on the bed when there was another knock. I was annoyed and I got up blazing and opened the door "what?!" I yelled. Austin stood in front of me holding new sheets "I thought you might want to change your sheets" he said "...and a blanket" my face turned red with embarrassment. I held up my hands so he can pass it to me. I looked down as our hands connected then unknowingly slammed the door in his face. I felt bad, but I wasn't going to open that door again. I turned on the lamp by my bed side and removed the old sheets. Then I changed it for the new sheets.