2 years ago500+ Views
Your Drunk Night Out: As Told By Jax Teller
After reading @TessStevens' card about my drunk night out according to Brendon Urie, I got the weirdest feeling of inspiration (aka, I am stealing the idea behind her card) to imagine what your drunk night out would be according to the Prince of Outlaw Bikers, Jax Teller.
Sure, he's a fictional character but he's real in all of our hearts. And sometimes, we all have nights we've drank too much and made a bunch of mistakes or just got really, really fucking weird. So, here's what that weird night would look like according to my favorite handsome guy, Jax Teller.

This is how you feel when you first decide to go out.

You think it'll be fun. You're smiling, you're laughing. You get that text or call from one of you friends that they're waiting for you at a local bar...

... And this is that feeling of seeing your buddies after a long time.

Because you do miss them. You haven't seen them in a while. Maybe they knew you from college or high school or your previous job. And all your memories of them involve insane amounts of drinking and having a good time and yelling at people because that's what happens when they get drunk...

... And this how you feel when they start yelling at people because they're drunk

What happened? You think to yourself. We were having a nice quiet time at the bar and then all of a sudden you and your friends are chanting songs that aren't even playing on the jukebox. You know these people all have 9 to 5s, so you're wondering what happened to their mild-mannered personalities. Then they start telling you that the attractive person at the other end of the bar has been eying you all night...

... And this is your response to that

Because fuck your friends. They're all a bunch of liars and assholes. They want you to embarrass yourself in public because it's been such a long time since they've seen you do something stupid. So you pound a couple more shots of something brown and...

... You start feeling like you can fly

Not literally of course, but metaphorically. The floor beneath you feels like it's covered in soap and your joints feel limber even though you spent your whole day lifting stuff in the warehouse you work in. You're up and down the bar like some kind of weird snake or something until you feel an ache in your stomach and run to the bathroom...

... And this is that introspective moment you have after puking and then maybe peeing or whatever you want to do, you're in the fucking bathroom for God's sake.

You start thinking that maybe you shouldn't have gone out tonight. Maybe, you should have stayed in with your cat and your Netflix account and your video games. But nope, you went out and drank yourself a little too dry. But before you could start getting into some real heavy philosophical thought, you hear a commotion outside the bathroom and figure you should check it out...

... And you find out all your friends just got kicked out of the bar for fighting someone or something else that's stupid.

You stoically listen to the bartender and the bouncer and some crying person that won't shut the fuck up because they think you're just like them. And you tell all of these people you will leave without a fuss...

... But this is how you leave the bar you just got kicked out of.

Because fuck that place. You and your friends are really cool and really drunk and who cares what kind of people those are. You're all better than them and you're pretty drunk so fuck them and fuck their business. But hopefully they don't remember you next weekend. And while you and the rest of your buddies drink a bunch in the parking lot adjacent to the bar, you realize it's getting pretty late and you all need to head home...

... And this is the feeling you have after not dying when you decide to drive drunk [DON'T DRIVE DRUNK]

You're pretty much an idiot. Why'd you drive home after drinking so much you fucking fool. But in the moment you're feeling pretty stoked about making it home after flipping your car a couple times and all of your friends still have all their limbs. You stumble into bed with all your clothes still on and go to sleep. But when you wake up the next morning...

... This is how you feel after checking your bank account.

You remember buying everyone's drinks and going to that ATM that charged you 5 bucks to take out a 20 dollar bill. But fuck it, right? That's what you said last night, anyway. You look at the calendar on your phone and count the days until your next paycheck because...

You're just going to do it all over again after you get paid.

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THIS IS AMAZING. Its such a different take on the night out, but still somehow accurate. "Because fuck your friends". My favorite part!
2 years ago·Reply
Sometimes when I watch SoA, I'm just like "How is Jax Teller even real..." and then I remember it's a TV show and he's not and I feel momentarily redeemed.
2 years ago·Reply