3 years ago10,000+ Views
Navigating families and relationships can be really tough, it's hard to find a balance between your loved ones. But sometimes
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Q: My family is VERY conservative. And my boyfriend is so totally not. He's an artist, has a lot of tattoos, and is very liberal. I really agree with my bf on most things but I also respect my families thoughts.
Whenever we go to visit my family, he refuses to change his image and to listen to their conversations about politics, etc. And my family refuses to talk to him long enough to get to know him. They disapprove, but I feel that if they just took a little while to get to know him, they would really appreciate him! He's really a great guy!! It's really important to me that my bf and my family get along, but neither of them are budging... What should I do?
You got this Question Masters!!
I have to say it does bother me that he loves you but is unwilling to pay respects at your family gatherings. I feel that's not respecting you as you said you respect their values and I'm sure you attend those events in a respectful manner. I get him wanting to present himself as who he truly is but if you and he get married your family is his and you can't pick your family members but you can find a way to compromise and be respectful of all of them for a few family holidays. Now if they come to your or his territory then I think they should expect him to be and dress as he wishes. It's kinda a lil red flag to me.
they both need to meet half way or else just like everyone above said...they don't love you enough to change their ways. it's sad but true...I have had experience in this parents are old fashioned and i date outside my race but they love me enough to respect me and let me choose who to love. good luck!!
That's difficult because you don't want to make your family feel like you abandoned them. I suggest that you talk to them and help them try to understand that he means a lot to you and they should try to put their issues aside. Give your family some time, I'm sure deep down they just want what's best for you.
Thanks again for all your responses, this was a pretty tough one for me to figure out too!! @jordanhamilton @RafaelRese18 @2Distracted @SeoInHan @1FallenAngel @altiar620al @MaighdlinS @RashadRobertson @altiar620al @carmaa10 @VanessaSimmons @JimTurpen @VeronicaArtino @momattheword @scorptress @TomasOlivares @StetsonCampbell @Bobs @Heartofgold35 @arnelli @AprilGuillemard @atmi @KiburiMac I think what I'm hearing is a two-part system. Ask both your family and your bf to make a little compromise. Talk to each individually then come together. I think there is a lot of power in just being open about you feelings and letting both them know how much it would mean if the two (family and bf) got a long.
I'm agree some with @JimTurpen comment. Love need for sacrifice.. but not to your family expecially your parent. If he really love you, he need to adapt or at least have some respect to your family need. being yourself is meaningless if your want to share your life with person who still have her family. your and your Bf is not live alone without family right? when you had a hard time before...who will help you? what if you 'ignore' his family when you meet them soon? ask him
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