I don’t believe in the supernatural. Usually the ones in entertainment are fun to watch, not the reality based. Plus, I get too impatient when Halloween is a long way from now and is the only holiday I get excited for. That and my stocking sock full of lighter fluid and NyQuil.
All the other holidays are overrated like Labor day, which is just another ordinary day. But with Halloween, all the sugar, outfits, and bonfires in the middle of the woods is ambient. Besides that however, I have to tell you about my trip to the Otherworld. It’s not nearly as contrast as our world, but the structure is sort of the same. The first time I went there was when I got this chill on my shoulders with the cool breeze leading me to a road.
Wait, hold on, that’s wrong.
That was after I went batshit crazy of being chased from what looked like a masked humanoid figure with a sword. He was playing footsie with my foot while I was tied up to a chair and he was feeding me food. It was some wonderful glazed turkey carved out of a chicken. He’s a great cook. It didn’t taste good.
Anyway, my closet is full of stuff I don’t use, however last year it was completely empty, and was stained with cheery Kool Aid. It was hard at first to get the carpet cleaned. I thought, was there a party going on in my closet? Then the floor begin to sink in like a miniature black hole and I fell in. When I gained my ground, everything my apartment was backwards and looked like a repair shop. When I looked around for a second and turned back there was a group of people staring at me. “Surprise!” they yelled. Everything in the living room was a big hang out party. Apparently this is where dead people like to get together. They offered me some thick red stuff, some raw slimy stuff, and candy corn. If you wanted to know where candy corn comes from, they come from those who manufactured it somewhere and is rejected by kids all across the country. And they end up in the Otherworld.
I asked them why are they were in my house. They said they were tired of wandering around the same haunted places and humping the living and wanted to travel and go to a place that is less abandoned. Also, they told me never open the front door at midnight or “He” will find you and play footsie with you in purgatory. With a feather. I gasped, and they were laughing uncontrollably because they were being tickled by some unknown force. I raced for the closet but there were locks on the door. So I decided to jump out one of the windows like every action hero because no one uses this method in a world of horror these days. I don’t recommend doing that. Being a hero is not actually worthy if you wish to pay for property damage.
No. Just, don’t.
I raced to the next door apartment and appeared, for some strange reason, back in MY own apartment, like I was being transported in limbo. I turned around for a second and turned back around and ended up in a chair with Him. And that’s when he was playing with my feet. He said, “Hey, uh, listen dude this is all cool with what you done with the place, but do you have any salt and pepper? Also, I just love your slippers. Did you get them from Walmart?” I didn’t know if it was a trick question or if he was curious. As soon as He raised his foot to my knees and said, “Look! There’s the salt and pepper on the counter. Also, look, candy corn! He looked and I bolted out the door and into my car screaming and drove out of the complex and on the road. My car suddenly stopped at a red light and wouldn’t start. I was screaming and hitting the stirring wheel with my eyes closed. And then I opened them…
And I was yelling at myself in my car of the parking lot. I was yelling at the bag of newly candy pumpkin spice flavored candies. Same shape like candy corn,
but tastes WORSE!!!
From freaking Walmart too!
And I dare not contemplate Starbucks.