3 years ago1,000+ Views
I always grew up in a Christian home went to church and youth group. I knew what to say when people told me are you saved or when they'd ask me if I knew where I'd go when I died. I always gave those  the right answer of what they'd want to hear. I knew deep down inside though that I wasn't really living for God at the time. I didn't really care about the church or God growing up. In 2009 that was the huge part in my life. God took my best friend Russell home with him. I didn't know what to do. I grew a hate for God and Christians fast. Because all I heard was. Jesus heals you'll be okay trust God. I hated when people would tell me that crap I didn't want hear. I knew back then I only wanted a friend I friend who told me that that friend would be with me. I began hating myself and life and people. I asked God to heal my friend but he didn't. I Remeber that day when we got the call that he died. I Remeber running in my room. I didn't wan to believe eveyone about my best friend being dead. He was dead thoug at first I was okay but over the weeks and years I fell into darkness. I hated church God and my family and friends I just wanted the pain to go away. I Remeber I tried to kill myself after it was a year that Russell was gone. In those long hard years I turned to everything possible to girls, video games, TV shows, music and so on. I Recall I went heavy on self harm. I tried cutting for a few weeks. That didn't work so I starved myself. There that's it I thought. I'm not hurting myself or anyone. Those were the lies the devil had out inside my head. I did that for about 3 years. In 2011 was when my eating disorder was getting worse and worse. I didn't do anything or tell my parents at the time because I didn't want the to get angry or mad. 2012 was when my mom asked "Jacob are you doing alright? You don't look that all I think your depressed." I Remeber saying to "Yeah I'm fine mom I'm just really tired that's all." Of cousre as all mothers would do she said "that's a sigh if depression Jacob." She began to tell me "I'm taking You to the doctors." I Remeber when we went and I wasn't happy about that one bit. The doctor came the room and was like "well you've gotten all of the results back and you're depressed Jacob." I Remeber I was about to yell at him but I kept my cool though. My mom was crying I Remeber her sadden face that day. She was crying most of the car ride back home. I was freaking out too on the inside. I was given meds for my depression they worked for a bit but than backfired on me. I tried killing myself. I wasn't a good few months that year. My mom told me I had to see a shrink. So I did I hated that at first. But it really grew on me. Than a few weeks later my sister was like "You've gotta come to check my college out can you?" I want sure what to say because I hated church people and God still. My original answer was no. My mom had a long talk with me that morning. So I called my sister back and told her yeah I'd come. She was really happy that I was coming. I went thinking that "this is SO stupid why am I even here?" As soon as I got there I Remeber these poeple were different from all the rest of the Christians I knew. They didn't shove the bible in my face or tell me weakness is Bad. They told me the opposite of what I was told years ago up until then. They really did love me and I felt that they love me for me and wanted to know me and be friend. Later that night during one of the worship sets I heard God loud and clear he said. "Jacob why have you been running from me all these years? You've turned to many many other things to fill he void you feel inside your heart that void is only a void I can fill just let me in I'm knocking on the door to your heart?" I just fell to my feet and started crying and crying. I Remeber I felt I hand touch me and that person started praying for me. At that moment I felt as if God had taken away my shame of the way I was living and I felt him in me as if we were one. After I had felt Gods love and grace I got up. After that three people told me I was going to become a great leader one day and that there's someone inside of me that words can't say how great it is. I was freaking out because I was told the same thing by three people. So I gave my life to The Lord And I ended up going to the same school my sister went to. So that's my story about my life there's many more things I could write about but that's for another day and time.
wow. an amazing testimony.
Thanks for sharing your story!!