So about a month ago my grandma, who lives 6 hours away, fell and was out in the snow for 8 hours before someone found her. She got admitted to the hospital then got released after a couple days even though she was starting to swell up in her abdomen and her arm she had cancer in several years ago and was always at a certain angle since then and since she fell it was at a different one. She got readmitted to the hospital when her abdomen had started to hurt. For the next month she was in the hospital with an ileus and had several things go wrong because the hospital is terrible and the doctors don't truly care about their patients. So on Monday my mom was able to get her discharged and to a rehabilitation center up here where we live. The hospital she was at basically starved her the entire month so yesterday she was taken to the hospital here in an ambulance because her potassium levels were too low. My mom works as a nurse at the hospital and she tried to put a tube down to her ileus to try and relieve it but it was hurting too bad that my grandma was yelling for my aunt to make it stop, so scared to not be able to tell my mom to stop. Then the doctor started talking about surgery and she got even more scared. She started to believe she's going to die in the hospital. A couple hours later, my mom calls my dad, crying, and tells him that she's in critical condition and that the next 24 hours are crucial. My mom went to the hospital to check on her and said that she's better but not by much. My grandma's sister is staying with her and my mom is working tonight so she'll be able to make sure she's taken care of.
Throughout this entire thing, I'm the only one in my family who hasn't cried. My brother even cried yesterday and he NEVER cries. I just feel..numb I guess. I guess it hasn't sunk in quite yet that my grandma could die. That I'm never going to see her again. I haven't seen her since the beginning of December. I feel depressed. Like I'm just..I feel useless. I get periods of feeling high strung. Like I should be doing something, but there's nothing I can do. I am utterly useless.