There's a crow going berserk in a in a tree all afternoon. It's been towering over me for the past two hours, cawing and crowing to something that sounds too far away to hear it. I'm not entirely sure why this keeps happening to me, these crows...I feel like they're always around.
I'm an extremely superstitious person, and the fact that every single day that I've been in California, a crow has crossed my path. Three or four of them have been yelling at me from the heavens today. And I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I haven't been able to leave my room lately. Something about not having a lot of things to do besides my work has driven me into this state of isolation. It's the hermit complex I had for a time in college when things just simply weren't lining up.
I remember acting in this show, it was our senior project and I wrote a monologue about the act of self-isolation and how we can basically drive ourselves crazy with our own expectations. If I could turn my own brain off, I feel like I would be a much happier person.
While I've been writing letters for our Typewriter Project it has become increasingly clear to me that I am much better at giving advice than taking my own. The constant state of making a mess of your own life only becomes obvious when you're examining someone else's.
These crows won't leave me be! Maybe if we cut down all the trees in California they'd go away. I can understand seagulls, because we're pretty close to the ocean, but crows? Is it because I have a little death around my eyes? Am I just a second away from keeling over and dying? Can they sense that?
I'm not sure what this means, or what any of it really means. I guess it's just the act of over-analyzing every little thing that happens to me. Do you guys ever have those feelings...that you're creating problems for yourself in order to achieve some greater purpose?
The romanticizing of a troubled past in order to set up a bright future?