I had a rough night.
Those of you who know me know I have an anxiety disorder. Well, it was flying last night, and it wasn't backing down.
When it gets that bad, I try to concentrate on other things like my cats, tv, doing things on my phone, playing games, anything to move my mind in another direction. But my anxiety was like,"Haha! Nope. I'm going to make you think every bad thought, feel every crappy emotion, and there's NOTHING you can do about it!" And it did.
I felt scared, so scared,scared of everything. My mind was filled with thoughts of bad things happening, thoughts like: am I having a heart attack, why can't I breath well, I shouldn't lay on my left side, I need to stretch my body, maybe my muscles are just tight, is it because the tv is on?, should I change positions?, should I get up?
I take a sleep aid, it had already kicked in, so being extremely tired and not be able to fall asleep wasn't helping at all. Then falling asleep here and there for just a few minutes, I was having bad dreams. My dreams are extremely vivid. They are so clear and I remember every dream I have. In fact, whatever I am feeling in my dreams is how I feel when I wake up.
Now the logical part of it all: I was hot last night. I can't sleep when I'm hot. If the blankets aren't wrapped around my neck, I can't fall asleep. It was too hot to cover up. I couldn't move around: my cats sleep right up against my legs, one on each side, so I was uncomfortable and stiff. I had no room to stretch out: I had no room to put my arms above my head and stretch them out.
I told my a**hole husband this morning about it, that I felt scared, and he gave me his" you're crazy" look. I wanted to slap that nasty look right off his face!
So, today is going to be "me day." I am going to do nice things for myself, love myself, and bring myself back up. I am going to do whatever I please, and I don't want to hear a damn word about it from the a**hole in the other room!