2 years ago10,000+ Views
When Relationships Turn Terrifying
You two are dating now. It's been a wild ride; charming dates, late night conversations, falling head over heels into something so much bigger than yourself. You've felt the life-affirming highs, as well as the first frustrating lows. You're well on your way to an actual relationship.

But what you weren't expecting was the terror.

You heard me. Being in a relationship is utterly terrifying.
You don't notice it at first in the haze of new love, hearts and flowers clouding your vision. But after a little time, that blinding sparkle begins to fade (not a bad thing, just a normal thing) and you realize, "Oh shit. We actually have to make this work."
There are all these small but insistent questions swirling fearfully in your mind...
What if my insecurity flares up and causes problems? How can I communicate my needs, without seeming too needy? Do I even KNOW what I need in a relationship? Or what I want? Will we be able to go the distance? Am I happy? Is this person everything I want? What if he/she thinks I'm too _________? (pick one or more: sarcastic, callous, sensitive, fat, sexual, inexperienced, naïve, insecure, dumb, damaged, weird...)
It's like this crazy mix of past, present, and future anxiety, coming together in one big cloud of

Are you worried about your relationship?

You're not alone. I am too.
I'm scared my boyfriend and I won't work out. I'm scared we won't learn each other's wants and needs. I'm scared we speak different love languages, and that the difference is going to be hard to overcome. I'm scared of the hard times and work ahead.
Will it all be worth it? I don't know, but that's what people seem to think. They say love is worth the fear, the pain, the struggle. Whatever it takes.
I still have a ton of learning to do myself. And every day is different. Today I'm scared, but hopeful. Other days are harder; others still are easier.
What do you guys think? Are you afraid? Do you have any thoughts or advice?

What scares you about relationships?

The comforting thing is that it's totally normal, I'm sure of it, and maybe if we talk about it, it'll be helpful to all of us in overcoming our fears. :)
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@cardboardart yeah I love that club.. team single for life
2 years ago·Reply
I'm most scared of timing. Both of our lives move really fast and currently they're in the same direction (professionally and geographically) but what happens when that changes? Will I move cities for him, will he make a huge life change for me, etc. So I guess I'm not scared of our relationship perse, but the outside forces around us.
2 years ago·Reply
I'm scared of losing my independence. I love that I can do whatever I want, when I want, and I don't have to worry about the opinion or feelings of someone else.
2 years ago·Reply
That's something that scares me too @ThePervySage... I'm such a independent person but I also always worry about that person's feeling a LOT
2 years ago·Reply
@nicolejb Like right now I'm working on my photography, and getting better at that, and maybe even doing it part or full time. If I'm with someone, are they going to think it's stupid or not something that I should be doing right now. Then if I don't consider they're opinion I'm ignoring how they feel. Do I take one for the team and put what I want to do on the back burner? But right now being single, I don't have to worry about that at all.
2 years ago·Reply