I said I wanted to change...well, this is part of it. No longer will I be @BeannachtOraibh. I've actually been considering the name change for a while now, since it's so hard to spell. There are a few areas I want to work on...specific changes I want to make.
Tame my impulsivity. I am way, waaaaay too impulsive. It gets me into trouble...a lot. It seems to be more intense and negative since the issues with my husband arose. I've done things that are extremely out of character for me. Many of which, I don't actually regret, but maybe I should (perhaps I should work on that, too? Idk).
Be more mindful. Lately, I find myself being far more judgemental than I want to be. I want to better express the compassion I feel, to be supportive and encouraging, but something inside me gets in the way of that. My psychiatrist has been trying to get me to build a "circle of support" that would provide gentle guidance and correction in terms of communication and social skills, but I've never felt comfortable asking anyone for help, I've always tried to go it alone. In the past, I've said that my more personal cards were mostly rhetorical...I think I should be more open to input and less afraid that I'll be met with criticism. And maybe I should even be more receptive to constructive criticism. Overall, I know I need to just...listen.
I will continue to accept the dark with the light, but focus on building with positivity. Upon returning today, I learned about the "hide from feed" feature. (Thank you, @shannonl5!) I have been feeling the effects of the greater portion of my feed being negatively charged. And, while I feel compelled to say something to help them, I am not in a good place myself to do that without being brought down a little bit. If you have depression, you are probably familiar with that downward spiral. I want to grow secure and stable, so that I can be the support they need. Until then, I think I should keep my feed constructive. I continue to hope that everyone gets the help they need, though.
I want to build on friendships. I'm a terrible friend. I have a tendency to push people away, or worse...believe they're pushing me away, so I just stop talking to them. I also have a tendency to view friendship as an all-or-nothing relationship. It's like...when I find someone I can relate to, I *want* to be careful and not cause that relationship to shatter into a million pieces, but I cannot stop myself from squeezing too hard and causing it to disintegrate anyway. So, I want desperately to find that perfect balance that maintains a friendship for a lifetime.
So...Hello, this is me, ready to shed my old skin and become who I want to be!