deactivated1460714878Dannamolly
2 years ago100+ Views
Hello, My Name is Changing
I said I wanted to change...well, this is part of it. No longer will I be @BeannachtOraibh. I've actually been considering the name change for a while now, since it's so hard to spell. There are a few areas I want to work on...specific changes I want to make.
Tame my impulsivity. I am way, waaaaay too impulsive. It gets me into trouble...a lot. It seems to be more intense and negative since the issues with my husband arose. I've done things that are extremely out of character for me. Many of which, I don't actually regret, but maybe I should (perhaps I should work on that, too? Idk).
Be more mindful. Lately, I find myself being far more judgemental than I want to be. I want to better express the compassion I feel, to be supportive and encouraging, but something inside me gets in the way of that. My psychiatrist has been trying to get me to build a "circle of support" that would provide gentle guidance and correction in terms of communication and social skills, but I've never felt comfortable asking anyone for help, I've always tried to go it alone. In the past, I've said that my more personal cards were mostly rhetorical...I think I should be more open to input and less afraid that I'll be met with criticism. And maybe I should even be more receptive to constructive criticism. Overall, I know I need to just...listen.
I will continue to accept the dark with the light, but focus on building with positivity. Upon returning today, I learned about the "hide from feed" feature. (Thank you, @shannonl5!) I have been feeling the effects of the greater portion of my feed being negatively charged. And, while I feel compelled to say something to help them, I am not in a good place myself to do that without being brought down a little bit. If you have depression, you are probably familiar with that downward spiral. I want to grow secure and stable, so that I can be the support they need. Until then, I think I should keep my feed constructive. I continue to hope that everyone gets the help they need, though.
I want to build on friendships. I'm a terrible friend. I have a tendency to push people away, or worse...believe they're pushing me away, so I just stop talking to them. I also have a tendency to view friendship as an all-or-nothing relationship. It's like...when I find someone I can relate to, I *want* to be careful and not cause that relationship to shatter into a million pieces, but I cannot stop myself from squeezing too hard and causing it to disintegrate anyway. So, I want desperately to find that perfect balance that maintains a friendship for a lifetime.
So...Hello, this is me, ready to shed my old skin and become who I want to be!
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Wow I now see you and I have a lot in common!!! I could so relate to everything you bravely put out there and I have to say that took guts. I know all too well the fear that if people knew the real me(that I fooled myself into thinking there is I guess)that they'd leave or at least realize that they didn't actually like me. Good for you on closing the negative comments door for now while you are trying to keep your own head above water. you are very self aware and that's impressive. some never see that much or are willing to look at that let alone face it and change it!!! Your way ahead of the game and have all the makings of being so successful in your maturity and progress!! if you ever need to talk or honest opinion said in love of course if I can help please sont hesitate! also have you ever looked into your personality type or your temperament? I learned so much about myself that helped me accepting who I am when I researched mine.
2 years ago·Reply
@2Distracted Yeah, INTJ...I've been following @nicolejb's series on that. It really has been insightful! Thank you both!
2 years ago·Reply
well no wonder we are alike I'm INFJ. @annamolly
2 years ago·Reply
I'm so excited for you! It sounds like you're taking some awesome steps forward and we're with you all the way! <3
2 years ago·Reply
and I await you with an open heart open arms and an understanding mind, I await the new you and your coming transformation
2 years ago·Reply
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