I smile and laugh because I cannot cry, I cannot cry because...there is an absence of reason. Hopes and dreams and pain and tears, possible futures and terrible fears, all held simultaneously in a strange state of stasis-- so that I'm left just...numb. Redirect my focus to trivial, day-to-day things, to distract and detach. But, in the silence of being alone, it looms over me. Hollow and unfathomable. I'll just do what I do, and shove it into a box, bury it deep, and wait for the day I can open it again.